Winding Memories
by MyrtusII
Summary: A first for Luka and Abby. Post 12.14 Quintessence of Dust
1. The Antelope is Dead

**Winding Memories**

**The Antelope is Dead**

**For their encouragement and constructive criticism, a sincere thank you, going out to my friends Betty Rubbel and Wilma Flinstone.**

**It had been a long and harrowing three days. Luka rubbed at his eyes, trying to keep himself at least somewhat alert. He glanced at the digital clock which was flashing 9:17 on the dashboard. With the lack of sleep, it felt more like two A.M. He reached for the large styrofoam cup and took a sip of coffee. It didn't have much flavor, and by now was cold.**

**Sam had opted to sit in the back seat with Alex and by now they were both asleep. Just as well. After several attempts of offering up subjects he thought might catch Alex or Sam's interest and failing miserably, Luka decided to just remain quiet. Let Sam and Alex alone for now.**

**It was a feeling Luka knew all too well. Never used to be. Growing up in Zagreb did little to prepare him for how alone he often felt since coming to America. Back home there was family everywhere - brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles.**

**Rolling down a dark highway back to Chicago, Luka smiled wistfully as he remembered his childhood. Smelling the bread his mother would bake on Sunday evenings, painting with his father as the sun came up, running with his brothers on the beach.**

**Then of course, there was Danjiela. She was seventeen the first time he saw her. She was quiet and shy but so beautiful. Luka had worked up the courage to ask her for a date and from that day on, they were inseparable. In his mind, there was never a question of whether or not Danjiela was the one for him. Some things in life are just understood. Then there are things you can't understand. Doesn't matter how hard you try. Your son's lifeless arm reaching out from under a pile of rubble. Watching your wife slowly bleed to death. Holding your daughter in your arms as she takes her last breath. Feeling completely alone for the first time in your life.**

**The sound of a police siren blaring past them brought Luka quickly out of the painful haze he had drifted into. It was hard to think of Danjiela and the children without the sadness creeping in. Hard to think about everything you once had. Inevitably, you're reminded that you've lost it. He'd learned the hard way that dwelling on the past can ruin a future. Is that what he was doing again? Was it him ruining everything with Sam? Just like with Abby.**

**Abby . . . She'd been slipping into his thoughts more and more lately. He wasn't sure why. Didn't make much sense. They had split up . . . four years ago . . . could that be right? The thought boggled his mind. Four years. She'd said he was married to a ghost. Maybe she was right. No. Well . . . maybe at first. Why hadn't she seen that it was her that made him want to put the ghosts to rest . . . for good. More importantly, why on earth did that question still nag at him?**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Luka stood by the gas pump, waiting for the click to let him know his tank was once again full. Through the glass window, he could see Sam and Alex picking out various snacks in the Quick-Mart.**

**He remembered how his heart always swelled, almost as if it would burst when he looked at Danjiela, Jasna and Marko. He didn't feel that way with Sam and Alex. He tried. God knows, he tried. Not that there were no feelings there at all. Affection, devotion, those were things to build on. Weren't they?**

**Maybe if Sam could get past her reluctance to have another child. Having a baby would change things. Cement their relationship. Maybe they would feel more like a family.**

**Luka remembered the couple from a few days ago in the ER. He had arrived just as Abby was delivering their baby girl. He had taken one look at them and known. They were already a family. The baby was just a happy addition to that.**

**Abby. . . He had been so proud of her that night. He had always known she'd be a great doctor. Seeing her in action was no big surprise to him. Still, he enjoyed watching her blossom into what he always knew she could be.**

**"Luka?" He was startled out of his reverie by Sam, wondering if he was about ready.**

**The click of the gas pump had come and gone without Luka even noticing.**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**After almost an hour on a junk food binge, Sam and Alex were once again asleep. Luka turned on the radio and immediately changed the station. The "music" that Alex . . . and Sam enjoyed, wasn't exactly in keeping with his taste.**

**As he was flipping through the stations, a news report caught his attention. A young, female law student had been found at the bottom of a shallow lake, just a few miles from the small town they were driving through. She had apparently been raped, and then shot before her body was dumped. The reporter went on to say that there was some indication the murder was gang related.**

**Luka's mind immediately flashed to images of Abby. Blood-soaked scrubs, tear-stained face, shaking like a leaf as she stumbled through the doors of the ER. That was just a few months ago . . . What if they had decided not to bring her back . . . not to let her go . . . to . . . No. His mind wouldn't allow him to comprehend such a scenario. Not with her.**

**Hearing her tell the story of the living hell she endured, and realizing how he had let himself be convinced that she was off pouting somewhere . . . It made him sick to his stomach. Neela had quickly stepped in and taken charge, saying she was driving Abby home. She promised she would take good care of her and keep everyone informed if there was anything Abby needed.**

**Luka hadn't gotten much sleep that night. The next morning, Sam had begun fussing that he kept her up with all of his tossing and turning.**

**"I don't think you stayed put for more than three minutes at a time." She had complained.**

**"Sorry." Was all he had managed in response.**

**It's not like his feelings of concern for Abby were abnormal. Anyone who had been involved in a serious relationship with a woman, for any length of time, would have felt the same way. Or so he thought. A phone call with a simple request changed that line of thinking very quickly.**

**Luka had just poured a cup of coffee when he heard the phone ring.**

**To this day, that phone conversation with John Carter still blew his mind. Luka remembered how those few sentences made him face an uncomfortable truth about himself and his feelings . . .**

**"I got it!" Alex had come flying down the stairs.**

**"Oh. Yeah he's right here. It's Dr. Carter. He wants to talk to you." Alex had grumbled.**

**"John? What's going on?"**

**Luka had heard giggling in the background.**

**"Hey! Uh . . . I need a favor."**

**"Yeah, of course. What do you need?"**

**"Any way you can cover my shift on Monday?"**

**"I don't see why not. Anything wrong?"**

**"Actually everything is very right, if you know what I mean."**

**Luka had just stood there for a moment. "Wendall?"**

**"You got it." Carter had replied in a suggestive tone.**

**"We want to spend a little extra time here."**

**"Here? Where are you?"**

**"In Telluride? I mentioned it yesterday?"**

**"Oh. Right. I didn't realize you were still planning to go. . ."**

**"Why wouldn't I?"**

**Luka had been speechless. "Um . . . No reason I guess."**

**"So Monday?"**

**"Huh?"**

**Carter had laughed. "You're working my shift, right?"**

**"That's fine. No problem." Luka had answered distractedly.**

**"Thanks. I owe you one."**

**Luka remained standing there, just listening to the dial tone for what had seemed like an eternity. In that moment, he had suddenly realized that his theory had just been blown to hell.**

**Staring straight ahead into the dark night, as the memory faded, he slowly shook his head and sighed.**

**Cher was belting out the final chorus to "If I Could Turn Back Time" when Luka snapped the radio off.**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**It was going on 4 A.M. when Alex and Sam began to stir, wondering how long it would be before they reached Chicago. Luka had to think about it for a minute.**

**"Uh, let's see, almost 500 miles left to go, about another seven hours."**

**He heard the slight groan escape from Alex. Luka decided he would try again. See where it got him. What was that saying . . . "In for a penny, in for a pound"? Luka thought that was right. He had to suppress a smile as he thought about the gift Abby had given him on his last birthday. He was surprised that she remembered and extremely tickled with what she picked out. Abby had said she'd seen it and immediately thought of him. "Dictionary of English Idioms & Idiomatic Expressions" was the name of the book. Luka shook off the giggle that was rising up in his throat.**

**"If you don't want me to, all you have to do is say so. You don't have to smirk about it." Sam was agitated.**

**He must have missed something. "What? Don't want you to do . . . what?" Luka stuttered.**

**"Take a shift. Drive for a while? Weren't you listening?" Busted.**

**"Yeah, sure. Of course I was. I was just . . . thinking . . . about something."**

**Luka glanced in the rear view mirror and saw Sam roll her eyes.**

**"Look, if you don't feel comfortable with me . . . driving."**

**Oh. It finally dawned on him. Luka tried to catch her eye in the mirror again. Smooth things over.**

**"Hey, what are the odds of hitting another antelope in the same week?" He grinned.**

**Glaring back at him, Sam curtly responded, "Just pull over so we can switch spots, alright?"**

**Properly chastised, Luka slowed down and pulled off to the side of road. He thought his little joke was kind of funny. Sam thought otherwise. Trying to get comfortable in the backseat of the compact rental car was not an easy task. Anyone who had any length to their legs at all was on a futile mission. Luka finally gave up, simply shifting to a position he felt was at least tolerable. He looked over to Alex, who was flipping through the pages of a comic book. Luka contemplated going right to sleep but suddenly remembered he wanted to try connecting with the boy again.**

**"Good story?" **

**Alex looked up, confused. "Huh?"**

**Not a great start. "Your comic. Any good?"**

**Alex shrugged. "It's ok." Silence. **

**"Be glad to be out of school for the summer, yeah?"**

**Alex shrugged and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." Awkward silence.**

**Luka laid his head back against the seat, closing his eyes.**

**"How's the ER?"**

**Luka's eyes blinked open. Was Alex actually trying to make him feel more comfortable?**

**"Uh, it's good. Good. I mean you know, I haven't been there in a few days because . . . "**

**Embarrassed, Luka didn't know how to finish the sentence.**

**"You were tracking down some heathen kid with Diabetes?"Alex began to chuckle.**

**Realizing the boy was in fact attempting to meet him halfway, Luka began to laugh himself.**

**"Yeah. Something like that." He snorted.**

**Feeling a bit better about the state of his relationship with Alex, Luka relaxed a little.**

**The deafening silence coming from the driver's seat was a different story. A telling one.**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Butterfly kisses on his neck. Two hands running up and down his chest . . . his trunk . . . anywhere . . . everywhere. Her legs clamping down on either side of him. Taking his hand. Entwining their fingers. Her back arched. The grip on his hand tightening more and more by the second. Her breathless, sweaty body collapsing on top of his own. Brushing her hair out of his eyes. Her brown hair. Some part of his conscious mind began to take over. Luka realized there was something not quite right with this dream. Sam had blonde hair. This wasn't one of her favored "positions". Making love with her wasn't like this. Luka willed himself out of the dream and bolted upright.**

**"Something the matter?" **

**Luka looked around, trying to make sense of where he was. Alex was fast asleep in the seat next to him.**

**"Uh, yeah. Just one of those strange dreams."**

**Trying to shake off the images still in his head. Images of Abby . . .**

**"Trying to run?"**

**Luka was baffled. "What's that?"**

**Sam let out a small laugh.**

**"You know, when you keep trying to run away from something, but you never move from the spot you're standing in?"**

**Luka smiled slightly. "Yeah. That's it exactly."**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Luka made his way back to the car with a bag full of breakfast sandwiches. It was after 8:00 A.M. and they had all been starving. Getting in, he handed out the greasy food to Sam and Alex who began to devour it. Sam was in the middle of a story . . . well gossip.**

**"That's what I heard."**

**"I thought Neela was going out with Dr. Gallant!'' Alex excitedly asked.**

**"I don't know about that. Jerry said that Morris told him that Neela and Ray looked kind of cozy the last time he stopped by the apartment."**

**"Oh man! Ray's so cool. I want to go see his band again."**

**"We'll do that real soon." Sam assured him.**

**"Ray's still in that band?" A confounded Luka asked.**

**"Yeah. He is . . . anyway, so Morris also said that Nee . . ."**

**"How long does he plan to do that?" Luka interrupted.**

**"Do what?"**

**"Be in that band."**

**"Uh, I don't know. What difference does it make Luka?''**

**"I was just curious." Luka responded dejectedly.**

**"Well, it's just kind of not the point of the story I was telling." Sam added.**

**"What was the point?"**

**"Ray and Neela? Looking kind of like an item lately?''**

**"Oh. Well good for them." **

**Sam just stared at him, blinked and then turned to look out the window.**

**After several minutes, Alex broke the heavy silence. "Anything else new at the ER?"**

**Luka decided to remain quiet. He didn't much care to get into all of the ER**

**staff secrets. None of his business far as he was concerned.**

**"Well, you already knew Dr. Carter was leaving, right?'' Sam questioned.**

**"Yep."**

**"Uh . . . oh! Abby and Jake broke up!"**

**He couldn't help it, Luka's interest was peeked. He let Alex ask the question that was on the tip of his tongue.**

**"Why? Who broke up with who!"**

**"From what I hear, she let him down gently. I guess he was still upset though. Didn't even say goodbye when he left for San Francisco."**

**So . . . she broke up with him . . . Luka couldn't help it, there was a feeling of relief that washed over him. He had watched the way Jake looked at her. He didn't like it. The young man was clearly in love with Abby . . . knowing another man thought of her that way didn't sit well with him. He had resigned himself to the fact that he and Abby were over . . . for good. That's what Abby needed. He'd decided a long time ago that the most important thing . . . was that she be happy. Still . . . Carter hadn't made her happy. There was a time he thought that would certainly be the case. It wasn't. If anything, it seemed to make them both miserable. During a lull between patients several weeks ago, he and Carter had gone up to the roof to have a soda. The topic of conversation had drifted to Abby . . .**

**"She's become quite the doctor, hasn't she?" Luka had beamed.**

**"Yep . . . yep . . . sure has. Pulled herself together pretty well too. There was a time . . .  
eh, never mind." Carter had stuttered.**

**"No . . . what?"**

**"I don't know. Just that . . . I thought . . . I could be the one to make her change into . . ."**

**"What you wanted her to be?" Luka had finished the sentence for him.**

**"No!" Carter had denied it.**

**"Ok, ok . . . whatever you say." Luka added with a slight laugh.**

**"I think . . . I was kind of like a moth to the flame . . . You know what always  
happens to that pesky moth. Burns himself up."**

**"Sorry." Luka offered.**

**"Don't be. Besides, same thing happened with you two, right?"**

**"Not exactly."**

**"What do you mean?"**

**Luka really hadn't wanted to get into why his relationship  
with Abby failed, but what the hell, he had thought.**

**''I was jealous. I was so jealous of the way I thought she felt for you, I couldn't see  
straight anymore. I was afraid she'd leave me for you, so I told her to go."**

**Carter had just stared at him. Uncomfortable silence.**

**''I'm . . . I don't really know what to say to that . . ." Carter mumbled.**

**''You don't have to say anything Carter. I'm not asking for an apology  
or anything." Luka had chuckled.**

**"If it makes you feel any better, at least while we were together, she never  
did get over you."**

**Luka had just shrugged. "Well, it's a moot point now. She's not with either of us.  
Jake won the contest between the two of us." Luka had let out a wistful laugh with  
the realization.**

**"I wouldn't bet all your money on Jake." Carter added as they headed off the roof,  
down the stairs.**

**"Why's that? He seems crazy about her."**

**As they stepped off the elevator, back into the chaos of the ER, Carter offered one final thought.**

**"Yeah. I'm not sure the feeling's mutual. I've only seen her look at one guy like she was  
crazy about him. It's not Jake. Certainly wasn't me.''**

**Luka had stood there frozen for a split second as he let Carter's revelation wash over him.**

**Sam was telling Alex about Jerry having his chest waxed, when Luka once again  
stopped listening to the gossip.**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**They had just crossed the stretch of highway that told them ''They were now in Illinois''.**

**It wasn't quite lunch time yet and Alex had once again drifted off to sleep. There wasn't **

**much to do on the road to keep a kid stimulated. Plus, the previous days of travel**

**seemed to have really taken their toll on Alex.**

**Luka caught Sam stealing glances at him every now and then. Finally he just asked.**

**"Something you want to talk about?''**

**"Oh . . . I don't know. Maybe . . . yeah, I guess there is."**

**"What is it?"**

**"When you said you loved me . . . why did you say it?"**

**Luka froze. "Uh . . . what do you mean?"**

**"Well I don't know . . . I mean . . . we said those words . . . but . . ."**

**"But?" Luka wondered where this was going.**

**"Did you mean them?"**

**What answer was she looking for here, he wondered. "Didn't you?"**

**"Well, yeah . . . at the time, I did, of course."**

**"At the time?" This was getting better and better.**

**"Sometimes . . . I think there are different kinds of love. I think we were kind of . . . caught up in a moment."**

**Oh. He was being let down gently. Just like Jake.**

**"I meant what I said. I do have a love for you . . . and for Alex." He wasn't letting her**

**off the hook that easily. **

**"That's it right there Luka. You have a love for me . . . and my kid. It's always me . . .**

**and my kid."**

**He was baffled. "What's wrong with that?"**

**Luka . . . Would you . . . would you still want to be with me, if there were no Alex? If**

**you didn't still think you could convince me to have your kid?"**

**Now he was getting pissed. This was insulting.**

**"Yep, you're right Sam. Just like all the other guys. I'm just after you for your uterus."**

**"You can deny it and get pissy all you want Luka. Don't you think I can feel it?**

**He was done talking. There was nothing left to say right now.**

**Sam's tone softened. "Me and Alex . . . I don't think we're the family you're looking**

**for Luka. You'll find them though . . . you'll find her." She added almost inaudibly. **

**Staring straight ahead, Luka's knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel.**

**Where had he heard that before . . .**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**"Look mom! 10 miles until we get to Chicago!" Alex shouted while pointing to the sign.**

**"I see that Alex." Sam laughed.**

**A knot began forming deep in Luka's gut. Uncomfortable and akward as the last **

**few days had been with himself, Sam and Alex, arriving home**

**was not something he was looking forward to. Arriving home meant making **

**decisions. He didn't understand her and she sure didn't understand him.**

**''You have beaches in Croatia?'' Luka still couldn't get over that question. **

**But . . . that was their relationship. They had to work so hard . . . at everything.**

**He had no problem working . . . but the working didn't seem to get them anywhere. **

**He also began to wonder if what Sam had said was true. Had he wanted a family so**

**badly that he had convinced himself that they were in love? Where had he gone so **

**far off the path . . . After her accusations a few hours earlier, he had tried to make a**

**mental list of all the things he loved about Sam. Luka's mind boggled when the list**

**failed to accumulate. So far . . . only two. A Family . . . and better than being alone . . . **

**Luka found himself wondering why he insisted on fighting so hard**

**for something he wasn't even sure he wanted . . . Then without skipping a beat,**

**the next thought was why had he not fought for something he had wanted**

**desperately . . .**


	2. The Boxes are Packed

**Winding Memories**

**The Boxes are Packed**

**A dripping faucet was the only sound to be heard in the near empty apartment. Luka sat staring out into the blackness of the room. They were gone. He was alone . . . again. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there. Minutes . . . Hours . . . A few boxes with odds and ends thrown half-hazardly in them surrounded him. That was all that was left. Tomorrow, when he was at work, Sam would no doubt remove those last remnants. It would be as if she had never been there. As if Alex had never been there . . . Luka had to acknowledge that this sudden move on Sam's part wasn't so sudden at all. Since arriving back from Colorado, she seemed bent on widening the already gaping distance between them. No longer sharing his bed, Sam's nights were spent with Alex, in his room, on an old cot that was once Steve's. Luka was only invited to events which included himself and Alex . . . never all three of them. Inch by inch, the role he'd been playing in their lives was . . . eliminated.**

**Luka swayed to the side as he made his way to the kitchen. Blinded by the sudden brightness of the refrigerator bulb, he squinted and quickly grabbed another beer. Maybe getting good and drunk would help him forget. So far . . . it wasn't working. Memories of Sam kept coming to mind. As they did, Luka felt something he hadn't allowed himself to feel in a long time . . . anger. How had she managed to constantly make him feel so small. So insignificant. He had treated her well. Hadn't he? He had tried to give her everything she wanted. Tried to be what she wanted. Guess that wasn't good enough for her. Even up until this morning he had still been trying to make it work. His hand had grazed her's, and just as quickly, she pulled it away, letting him know that she and Alex would soon be moving. How could he be so pathetic. Begging for the smallest crumb from her. Was the idea of being left alone again so terrible . . . so terrible that he had allowed himself to become a man he hardly recognized anymore . . .**

**Luka's eyes became heavy and sleep wasn't far off when he heard the phone ring.**

**''Well hello Lockhart, A.''**

**''uh . . . hi . . . what was that about?''**

**''That's what it says. On my caller I.D. thing. . . Lockhart, A. is calling.''**

**''Oh. When did you get caller I.D. ? You always said it was weird to know who was calling before actually answering the phone.''**

**''Still think it is.''**

**''Why did you get it then?''**

**''Why? The same reason I do most things I do lately. Because Sam wanted it.''**

**''Oh. Sorry.''**

**''Why are you sorry? I now have caller I.D. My life is complete.'' Luka smiled as he heard Abby giggling.**

**''I did actually call for a reason. I mean other than finding out what new and exciting electronic gadgets you've acquired recently, of course.''**

**''Of course.''**

**''How are you?''**

**''I'm fine. Just tired, you know.''**

**''Yeah . . . sounds like you might be pretty . . . relaxed.''**

**''You mean drunk.''**

**''Well yeah. Aren't you?''**

**''You know me pretty well, Lockhart, A . . . So tell me this. What is it about me . . . why is it so easy for everyone to leave?'' Silence ''Abby?''**

**''Yeah. I'm here. Just . . . Luka why do you take all the blame for these things on yourself?''**

**She sounded angry and Luka didn't quite understand why. ''What's the matter? What do you mean?''**

**''I tried . . . I tried to tell you today. This isn't all about you . . . what you did wrong. Don't you get that? Sam has a lot of problems too . . . so did I, Luka.''**

**Did she really think their breakup was her fault? ''Abby . . . I hurt you . . . I said things that . . .'' She cut him off before he could finish.**

**''And I spent months goading you into saying them. Pulling back every time you tried to get closer to me, dangling another man in your face . . . daring you to hit your breaking point.''**

**His voice rich with emotion, Luka asked the question that he'd wanted to ask a hundred times.''Why did you do that?''**

**''I don't know. I wish I did. I think maybe . . . I wanted to prove that I was right. That sooner or later, everybody leaves.''**

**Instantly, he got it. ''You were scared I'd eventually leave . . . so . . . it was better to be the one in control of when it happened?''**

**''Yeah, I guess . . . Crazy, huh?''**

**''Yeah. But I understand it. I think I did the same thing.''**

**''You? How?''**

**Emotions raw, he couldn't handle diving into all of his insecurities. What John Carter had or hadn't meant to her. Another time. ''Can I answer that question over lunch? We'll go . . . soon. I'll treat.''**

**''Sure. But I'm treating. I'm a doctor now, remember?''**

**''Oh . . I remember . . . night Abby. Thanks . . . for everything.''**

**''Night . . . oh and Luka . . . I just wanted to say that I'm glad . . that . . we're still friends, ya know?''**

**''Yeah . . . me too. Night.''**

**As he put the phone down, Luka realized that for the second time in this miserable day, Abby Lockhart had managed to bring a smile to his face.**


	3. The Horse is Drawn

Winding Memories

The Horse is Drawn

He slowly opened his eyes and then closed them, willing himself back to the slumber he had drifted into. Frustration kicked in, as sleep would not come. His head was throbbing. How many beers did he have . . five . . . maybe six. There was a time when six beers wouldn't have turned his head into the pounding mess it was tonight. But, that had been in his youth . . . Luka grunted as he stretched and squinted to see the tiny numbers on the clock of the microwave. .. 2:34 A.M. His eyes then drifted to the cluttered counter top . . sink full of dirty dishes . . . empty food cartons . .. beer bottles and ashtrays, brimming with cigarette butts . . . The place was disgusting. He was disgusting. He shrugged and lit another cigarette.What difference did it really make. He was tired of going through the motions . . . pretending like he cared. There would be no beautiful, vacant ladies dropping in to see him. He was done with all of that. If they knew him . . . really knew him . . . they wouldn't want him anyway. He certainly had no use for them. As his eyes fell to the untouched cup of coffee in front of him, it occurred to Luka that a lady of beauty had come to his mess of an apartment this evening. One who was thoughtful enough to bring him a coffee. . . insisted on driving him home . .. Came in with him . . . just in case he changed his mind . .wanted to talk. No . . . there was nothing vacant about Abby Lockhart.

Turning off the television, sliding back into the couch, and taking a deep drag off the cigarette, Luka thought of how strange it was to have Abby here tonight. Strange . . . because he hadn't been the least bit embarrassed that she had seen the apartment and . . . him in a complete state of disarray. But . . . that was her. Some of the lowest points of his life . . . she had been witness to. Yet, when she looked at him . . . he wasn't defined by those events.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He couldn't help it. Luka had been pleased that she wanted to drive him home. It was . . . nice . . . knowing that someone . . . that she cared. Handing off the keys to his SUV, Luka rolled down the window and settled in on the passenger side.

"Are you speeding?"

"Nooo."

"Cause it seems like you're speeding."

"Seems like you're drunk, and in no position to judge my speed . . . and you're bossy."

"That's where you're wrong."

"You're not drunk, huh?"

"Of course I am. Not bossy though." He laughed as he saw her trying to suppress a grin.

They drove in silence as he laid his head back, closed his eyes, and felt the wind blow through his hair. Then, she had turned on the radio. Tried to find a station. One after another was shot down by her scrutiny. Finally he heard a song that caught his attention.

"Wait! I like that one."

"You're not serious?"

"What? What's wrong with this?"

"Uh . . It's Willie Nelson."

"So? I Like him. He's different."

"Well I can't argue with that."

_"Maybe I didn't hold you . ..All those lonely, lonely times . . . "_

He grinned when he saw her eyes roll as he joined in the singing with Willie

_"And I guess I never told you . . . I'm so happy that you're mine . . ."_

"Ah Geez. As if hearing one of you sing off key wasn't enough."

Singing through the laughter, he pressed on, getting louder with each giggle, eye roll or shake of the head from Abby.

_"Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died . . . Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied, satisfied . .."_

He glanced over, saw the smile still on her face, hair blowing softly . .. and suddenly .. . it wasn't funny anymore.

"Why'd you stop?"

"wh . . . I'm sorry what?" Had she noticed him staring?

"Singing? Why'd you stop, Willie?"

Softly chuckling, he picked up where he left off, but there was no more laughter and there was quiet resignation in his raspy voice.

_"You were always on my mind . . . you were always on my mind."_

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"Take a left on Howard."

"Luka . . I know how to get to your apartment!" She laughed, looking over at him and shaking her head.

"Oh .. I know . . of course you know!" He stammered "It's . . . it's just . . been a while since you've been over. Since . . since you first went back to med school .. yeah?"

"I guess so. Man. Time flies when you're working too much to have a life. Besides, you were kind of . . you had other things going yourself. You know with the whole .. family life. It's not like you'd want some old . .. nevermind. You know what I mean."

He thought he did but he wanted to hear her say it. "Not .. really. Some old .. what?"

She gently bit at her bottom lip and avoided his gaze. "Some old . . friend . . hanging around. That's all I was saying." Was she blushing?

"Hmm . . well I missed seeing you. You know. Outside of work. Was probably for the best though."

"Yeah . . I'm sure you're right." She sounded a little . . . hurt?

"Definitely for the best. I really liked to avoid Sam's . . moods. But . . having an old . .. _friend_ . . .over for Pictionary? There would be no hiding from that mood."

He was amused as he saw her trying to stifle her laughter. "I'm serious about this." He teased.

"Well stop making me laugh then!"

He didn't wanted to. He liked hearing her laugh . . .

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Sighing, he picked up a few empty beer bottles and made his way to the kitchen. Something had been nagging at him. He had passed out with her still there. She had been talking to him. Seemed like one of those dreams. The ones that you strain your memory trying to reach. What had he been telling her . . He had been afraid . . . afraid that nobody knew him. That no one would ever know him . . .

And then . . he had it. He wasn't dreaming. He had .. heard her. Abby had simply said what he realized he already knew. She would know him. She always would.

Armed with that, Luka started a fresh pot of coffee. He had an apartment to clean up.


	4. The Surrogates Come and Go

Winding Memories

The Surrogates Come and Go

The rain had finally let up. The breeze had a cool crispness to it. The sky was dark, but amazingly clear. From his bench over-looking the river, Luka stared up at the stars. Watched them sparkle on the rushing water. Just a few hours earlier, the sky had opened up and released it's furry, pummeling the city with it's relentless down-pours. It seemed peculiar . . how quickly nature . . and life can shift.

He saw it every day in the ER. Good people just out living their lives. And then . . in a split second .. everything changes. Some guy, just out getting pizza for his kids . . . and then .. nothing is the same again. A young girl, her whole life ahead of her . . six wasted years later wakes up in a County ER, with strangers. It's remarkable how a person can carry on. Pick themself up, dust off, and start all over again. That's what he had done. Again and again . . . he had done it. There were times when he had wondered if he had one more fresh start in him.

He smiled when he heard her voice.

"Hey! What are you doing here? Thinking of all the things you could be floating in there?"

"Hey you. I needed to unwind before I go home . . and unwind some more."

"Well, you're probably pretty disappointed that I interrupted your alone time then."

"No. I was getting sick of my own company. You're more fun to talk to."

"Gee thanks." She grinned, as she sat down next to him.

"Why are you walking down here alone at night?"

"Heard it was a good place to pick up men."

He rolled his eyes and gave her his best _I'm serious_ look.

"I don't know! Just wanted to take the scenic route."

"It's not safe. You should be more careful."

"I am careful. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing. It's . . things happen. Just want you to be safe." He noticed her expression soften.

"Well .. I'll try . . to be more careful then. OK?"

Touched by her reassurance, he relaxed a little. Truth was, no matter how careful you are, bad things still happen. Bombs happen. Kidnapping gangs . . happen.

"OK .. thanks." He added softly.

''So wha . . what was so strange about your day? Sam?"

"No. Nothing like that. We're doing ok. Now that it's over . . . not really sure what I thought we had. I thought it would be harder. You know, working with her?"

"Yeah. There's some kind of satisfaction knowing that you're ok with it being over."

"Did you feel like that . . with us?"

"Ugh . . no. I pretty much wanted to physically harm you for a while there. Scratch Neecole's eyes out."

"Wow. Don't know whether I should be flattered or a little scared. Anyone who kills a man's Angel Fish."

"You're going to throw those little scaly corpses in my face for the rest of time, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Pretty sure. So, who were you talking about?"

"Oh. Me and Carter. It was . . awkward for a minute. You know, with the whole, _here's my new pregnant girlfriend that I've_ _brought to your work place thing._" He snorted at the irritation in her voice. But, then it was fine. I was able to be happy for him. I wished him nothing but the best. Never doubted myself or that I was better off without him."

He liked how sure of herself she was. Looked good on her. When she noticed him, he quickly averted his gaze. "Tha . . that's good. Really good."

"So, your day! What was so strange about it?"

"Ah . . it was just a patient. She woke up from a six year coma. Just got me thinking about some things. But . . I'm tired of thinking tonight. How about I walk you to your stop?"

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They strolled toward the EL, taking in the lights of the city.

"I had a weird kind of day myself."

"Yeah. I would think so. First the whole deal with the Sex Satisfaction lady, and then coffee with Dubenko? Do you think the word weird isn't really strong enough?"

"First of all, it's Satisfaction Facilitator and sec . . . "

"Same thing." He interrupted.

"And secondly! What's so weird about having coffee with Lucien?"

"Oh, so it's _Lucien_ now?" He chuckled as she rolled her eyes. "It's just that he's a little . . . strange. Very strange. Incredibly strange . . Almos . ."

Giggling and Slapping his arm, she stopped him.

"I get the picture!"

"What about the other? The _Satisfaction Facilitator_. How'd that end?"

"Just like a fairy tale . . . Prince Charming gets to keep his cake . .. and eat it too. " She added with a wicked grin.

"You . . think he's happy living the way he's living?"

"I don't know. He didn't seem too _unhappy_ about it."

"People fool themselves. Only way they can live with what they do. I . . . told myself it was better .. . that at least I wasn't using someone anymore . . who . . would expect me to have real feelings for her."

She grew quiet. Looked surprised . . . not shocked.

"Abby?"

"When?" Her eyes never leaving the ground.

"Before I left for the Congo. Went on for a few months."

Her silence was getting to him. He kicked a pebble. Watched it roll down the pavement.

"It's not something I'm proud of. I was going through a lot. I just told you so that you wo . ."

She cut him off. "Is that what you thought . . of me? Someone you were expected to have feelings for?"

Her question took him off guard. She really hadn't known.

"Abby .. . no. You were more like the someone I was trying to forget."

"Oh. .. I didn't know that." It came out in a shy whisper.

He shrugged, gave her a smile. "Now . . you know."

She started to fidget, mess with her hair. "Do you think it's possible to have both?"

"Both?"

"In a relationship. Being Friends . . and a great sex life?"

"You don't?"

"I don't know. Look at that couple today. It takes three of them to make their marriage work. Look at me. .. I always seem to have one or the other. Never both."

"Which group did I fall into?"

Her face turned scarlet. "Let's just say I wouldn't have called you a friend back then, and leave it at that."

He threw her a devilish grin and nodded, as they reached her stop.

"You ok from here?"

"Yep. Thanks for the walk. See You tomorrow!"

With a wave, and a smile on her still flushed face . . she was gone.

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Driving home that night, Luka realized he had never answered Abby's question. Can you have both . . . She was right. They hadn't had both when they were together. There was a handful of times when they came close. He would talk to her. Let her in. She would let him hold her, laugh with her, take care of her just a little bit. Then, as quickly as they came, those moments passed.

Whatever was lacking in their relationship . .. disappeared when they made love. To this day, he'd never experienced such intensity and desire with any other woman. She was . . sensuous . . . passionate. Sometimes emotional. Once in a while .. rough. Not that he minded. He never knew what she had in mind. He didn't care. It was all . . incredible.

This had to stop. He had no right to let these memories take over at their will. They were friends now. He sighed. Somewhere along the way, they had learned to be friends.


	5. The Drinks Are on The New Guy

The Drinks are on the New Guy

It was a quiet night for Ike Ryan's. Practically empty. Just a few of the regulars scattered around. Luka swallowed the last bite of a BLT and took a sip of coffee. He rubbed his temples as Anne Murray began singing _Could I have this Dance for the Rest of My Life _. . . again. A haggard woman, literally crying in her beer, had requested to hear it three times.

"Get you anything else?" A young bartender inquired, grabbing Luka's plate and swiftly sweeping the crumbs with his towel.

"How about a different song."

"Good luck with that. Same deal every night this week." The kid answered dryly.

"Here I was thinking how much my job sucks sometimes." Luka laughed, shaking his head.

"Yeah. You want another beer?"

"Sure. Why not . ."

"Coming right up."

Luka sighed. This day had turned to shit. He left Blaire an hour ago. Had gotten the words out. Went with her as she was settled in upstairs. She wouldn't be there long. A few days. Just long enough for the Neurologists to conclude what he already knew. She wasn't coming back. The nagging questions had overwhelmed him. Maybe he had somehow contributed to Blaire's relapse. Something he shouldn't have done. He might have pushed too hard too soon . . Or that . . there was something else he could have done. Another med that might have helped. Told her the truth sooner. In the end . . Abby was right. They would never know. She had seen right through him. He was blaming himself and she'd called him on it. That was nothing new. She always listened but didn't allow him to wallow. It was a quality he both admired and appreciated.

"Here's your beer."

Luka took several bills from his wallet and dropped them on the bar.

"Keep it. He already took care of it."

"He?" Luka asked, a frown forming on his brow.

"Short guy in the back . . talking on his cell phone. Came in a few minutes ago. Said he knew you. Was picking up your tab."

Luka turned around, cringing when he saw the new guy making his way to the bar. He wasn't in the mood for this tonight.

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"Hey Dr. Kovac! Didn't expect to see you here."

"Likewise. Dr. Clementine, is it?" Replying flippantly as he scrutinized the shorter man.

"Likewise? I'm the one throwing the shin dig. Oh .. and it's Clemente. Victor Clemente . . But then you knew that didn't you Dr. Kovac?" Grinning, he asked through his teeth.

Luka chose to ignore the new guy's rhetorical question. "What _shin dig _are you talking about?" They had spoken for less than a minute. He had already decided he didn't like Victor Clemente.

"I invited the staff over. I'm buying. Sort of my way of getting to know everybody when I start someplace new. I thought that's why you were here?"

"Oh. Sorry. It's not. A lot of us come here quite a bit . . even before you started believe it or not. But . . thanks for the beer." He smiled coolly and took a swig from the bottle.

Not missing Luka's pointed insincerity, Clemente slapped him on the back. "Any time _pal_. Any time."

The sound of a few familiar County voices interrupted the exchange.

"Morris! Jerry! Over here!" Clemente bellowed.

"Well if it isn't my two favorite Attending's!" Morris prattled as he made his way to the bar.

"Morris . . what'd I tell you about sucking up?" Clemente asked, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not though! I'm being sincere!" Morris defended. His pale face turning as red as his hair.

Luka went back to his beer, while Jerry and Clemente had a good laugh at the expense of Morris. So much for a peaceful drink alone.

"This all that's coming?" Clemente questioned, looking around.

"It didn't seem like too many people were going to be able to make it." The towering desk clerk answered apologetically.

"Not even the residents?" It came out as a whine.

"I'm here!" Morris offered. He was deftly ignored.

Luka had heard enough. They were all grating on his nerves. He had no intention of spending the rest of his evening listening to Clemente _and_ Morris.

"It was just kind of short notice. Abby and Neela said they would try to make it though!" Jerry added hopefully.

Luka glanced up. "When did they say they'd be here?"

Clemente looked over and smirked. "Our company aint good enough for you huh Kovac?"

Looking past the new guy, Luka raised a questioning eye brow at Jerry.

"Um .. Neela was on until eight. Abby didn't say exactly. She just said she had something to do and she'd try to make it later." Looking back and forth at them, confused.

"Something or _someone_? Clemente asked with a coarse laugh.

Luka's head snapped up. "What was that?"

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He must have heard wrong. This guy couldn't be that stupid could he . .

Clemente's laugh faded. He cleared his throat. "I was just joking. I saw her on the phone earlier. It looked _private_."

"So what?" Luka asked sharply, glaring at him.

"Like I said Kovac . .it was a joke.You know . . with the story that was going around today and all."

"What are you talking about? What story?" He was losing patience .. fast.

Clemente looked to Morris for help, who swiftly turned to face the bar and started ordering a drink. Shaking his head at the cowardly chief resident, Clemente turned his attention back to Luka's blank stare.

"Just . . there's a rumor that Lockhart's hooking up with the weird surgeon. Dubenko isn't it?" His eyes darted to Jerry, who quickly nodded.

"And . . this is your business . ._how_ . . exactly?" Abby had said something this morning about Dubenko.. .

"Well it's not. It's not like I even believe it. He's completely _not_ her type."

"And how would you know anything about that? Isn't it just your first day here? You've already had the chance to find out what type of men the female residents are interested in? Impressive."

Clemente's mouth gaped slightly as he stared at the other doctor. A sly smile began to form on his lips. "I'm a quick study."

The door to Ike's swung open. The two men watched as Neela and Abby glided toward the group.

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"Hey ladies! Glad you could make it." Clemente purred.

Luka saw Abby roll her eyes and make her way toward him.

"Hey! I didn't expect to find _you_ here!" She grinned, climbing onto the stool next to him.

"Popular assumption tonight." He shrugged. "I'm not staying. Just came for a beer. Didn't know about the shin dig." He replied distantly.

She frowned, tilted her head and regarded him thoughtfully. "Did .. I . .miss something?"

Luka studied her. "Nothing worth mentioning."

"Ok . . . should we get a table then?"

"Yeah . . you guys should. I really have to go."

"I just got here! Can't you stay for a few minutes?"

"I really can't .. "

"Are you mad at me?"

She sounded hurt. He didn't want that. He just wanted her to see that he was . . that he was . . what? He didn't know what the fuck _this_ was.

Then softly. "No. Of course not. I'll stay for a while. Yeah?"

A smile crept across her face. "That'd be nice."

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Luka had never heard anyone with so many stories. Ridiculous stories at that. He went from one to the next without skipping a beat. A particularly bad one had him saving the life of a drowning Navy Seal, while vacationing in Tahiti. Luka coughed, rolled his eyes and gently kicked Abby's foot under the table. She did her best to keep a straight face. Cleared her throat, attempted to regain focus on Clemente's story. He kicked her again, slightly harder. With that, she lost it . . letting out a bellowing laugh.

"You know this guy came real close to buying it Lockhart." Clemente threw out there indignantly.

"He's right Abby. You should try to be more sensitive." Luka added in a disappointed tone.

"Absolutely. No wonder our patient satisfaction scores are so low." Morris chimed in.

It was all he could do to contain his own laughter as she gave a lame excuse about how she just now _got_ a joke she had heard earlier in the day. She then shot him a look that told him he would pay for this later.

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"I did not cheat! Just because a game of pool is something I can beat you at . . doesn't make me a cheater." Laughing at her accusation.

"Too bad they don't have a foosball table." She grinned at him and winked.

"Yeah . . too bad."

A sadness came over him. Before the mugger attacked them . . they'd been having such a good time that night. She looked great. Smelled even better. He'd thought about asking her out since the day he learned of her divorce. After what happened with Carol .. he was a little .. gun shy. Not as confident. Thought he might be picking up wrong signals. But then . . she kissed him . .

"Luka?"

"Huh?" Gazing at her.

Softly laughing. "I asked if you wanted to head back to the table?"

"Oh. Yeah . . we should."

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"I ordered you a real drink Lockhart." Clemente announced as they made their way back to the table.

"Thanks .. but I'm gonna stick with club soda."

"Come on!" Becoming even more obnoxious.

"Drop it Clemente." Luka snapped.

"What's the deal? You a Mormon?"

"Wanker." Neela grumbled under her breath.

Shaking her head, Abby smirked. Her eyes went to Luka . .to Neela . . finally resting on Clemente. "No. Nothing quite that exciting. Just a simple alcoholic."

Luka bobbed his head, grinning.

"Oh . .I . . you know . . geez. Sorry." Clemente stammered.

"It's ok. Mormons are taught to forgive."

With that, Neela's drink spewed out of her mouth and all over Morris' shirt.

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"Dr. Kovac! I want to say something to you." A drunken Clemente leaned across the table.

"Yes?"

"Just want to tell you . . un cool as I thought it was .. you giving that girl those drugs . . I'm still sorry it didn't work."

They all grew quiet.

"Me too." Luka mumbled.

"Just wanted you to know that!"

"Thank you. I . . it's getting late though. I really do need to get going." He was getting up when Clemente's hand landed on his shoulder, pushing him back into his chair.

"Sit. sit. I'm still telling ya something." He slurred.

"What is it Clemente?" He asked exasperated.

"Just want to give you some good advice. It's a bad idea to get too involved with your patients. I don't know what your deal with that girl was . . But I mean . . you kind of crossed a line today my friend!"

Luka blinked slowly. His knuckles turned white as his hand clinched into a fist.

"Dr. Clemente . . ." Abby warned.

Luka thought seriously about punching him. Stared him down . . stood up . .looked at Abby .. and exhaled. "So I'm heading out then. Anybody need a ride?"

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They rode in silence. Clemente's words still ringing in his head. He had a point. That bothered Luka.

"Do . . do . . you think . . he's right? I mean . . I did lose objectivity .. Maybe for some reason I . . identified with Blaire .. or . . I was projecting or something?" His eyes never leaving the road.

She remained quiet.

"I guess I have my answer." He mumbled.

She slowly turned from the window to face him.

"You really want to know what I think?"

His eyes briefly locked on her's. "Yeah."

"Blaire was another project." She replied matter-of-factly.

"Wh.. what do you mean?"

She shrugged. "It's what you do Luka. You find needy situations .. people . . and . . you . . go to work . . trying to .. make everything ok for them."

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "So . . you've . . seen me .. do this before?"

"Yes."

Luka waited for her to elaborate. She didn't.

"Why do you think I do this?"

"Now that . . I couldn't tell you." She added softly.

"Come on. Give it a try. I heard you kicked their ass during your psych rotation."

She looked at him and giggled. "It's _kicked ass_. Did you not even look at that book I gave you?"

"I did! A lot! But they don't use swear words."

"Well . . we'll have to get you one that does."

"I'd like that." He chuckled as they pulled up beside her apartment building. "You . . going to .. give it a try then?"

She opened the passenger side door and stepped out. Turned around, ducked her head back in to see him. "Nope. But . . why don't you .. give it a try yourself. Night Luka." She gave him one last smile and headed up the stairs.

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He laid in bed for an hour. Couldn't sleep. Kept thinking about what Abby said. Projects. Blaire had been one of his _projects_. Why had he been drawn to her? She was a sweet girl. Her story was tragic. She didn't have . . anyone else. She needed . . someone. They all had needed someone . . .

His head pounded. Past projects swirled around . .. revealing themselves. The little boy from Croatia that only he could help .. A mother . . raising twins alone .. Nicole. He closed his eyes tight. Tried to make it stop. It didn't. He felt nauseous as the last realization washed over him .. Sam and Alex.

Luka dropped his head into his hands and cried.


	6. The Monkey Wrench is Thrown

Winding Memories

The Monkey Wrench is Thrown

Luka made his way to the lounge. The end of another shift. He opened his locker, noticed his reflection in the mirror. He was caught off guard. When had he become so . . worn. Listless . . . Frowning, he gave the door a shove.

"That's what I'm talking about. I'm gonna slap mine around a little bit later." Clemente burst through the door, cackling.

"Slap _what_ around?" Luka asked, already annoyed.

"My locker. Like you just did?" Shaking his head, exasperated. "Sometimes it's a lot of trouble making conversation with you man."

Glaring at him. "Maybe we should skip it then."

"Yeah? That's how you want to do this? That's cool. That's how we'll do it." Clemente grumbled, opening his own locker.

With a mumbled grunt, Luka turned to leave.

"_But_ . . we do need to discuss some things. Work related _of course_."

"What is it Clemente?" Shortly, as he stood in the doorway.

"You and me are gonna have to pick up a few extra shifts this week."

"_Excuse me_?" Walking back toward the other doctor. "Last time I checked you weren't setting my schedule."

"Kovac. . . I'm just asking. Alright? We're gonna be down two residents."

"Why's that? Eve get tired of firing nurses? Think her authority extended to the residents?" Snidely.

"Look at that. Kovac made a joke. Didn't know there was a sense of humor under all that Slavic bore."

"You know what? I'm getting pretty tired of your . .." His sentence was left hanging as Abby walked through the lounge door.

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"Hi .. . am I .. interrupting something?" She asked, looking back and forth between them.

All coherent thoughts left him. She looked . . .

"Lalala looooooking _good _Lockhart . . ." Clemente growled.

Turning her head slightly to the side, she smiled. "Thank you." Almost inaudibly.

Denim skirt clinging to her . . heeled boots accentuating the slit traveling halfway up her thigh .. black sweater .. tight. A silver chain sparkling around her bare neck. Earrings shimmering behind hair . . cascading around her shoulders.

"Mmm . . mmm . . a _Hot Tamale_ .. " Clemente continued, looking her up and down.

She blushed and looked down, giggling. "That's very . ._sweet_." Her eyes turning upward, briefly landed on Luka's before averting them.

Had he still not spoken?

"You'll have to excuse Kovac. They must not compliment beautiful women where he comes from." Clemente scoffed.

"No . .uh .. they . . they do." Cringing as he heard the lame statement leave his mouth. "I mean .. you look . . nice." He stammered.

"Thank you .. too." She replied softly, smoothing her hair.

Clemente shook his head, looked at him as if he were an alien. "So other than stopping my heart, what the hell you doing here Lockhart? Your shift ended a couple hours ago."

"I ..uh . . left my phone . . right over . . _there._" She glided to the bench right next to Luka, picking up the cell phone. Her perfume was almost . . intoxicating.

"I guess I got what I came for. I'll see you guys later then." She smiled, turning around to go.

"I'm off . . I'll .. walk out with you." He offered, coming back to his senses.

"Kovac . . we weren't done."

"We are tonight. Find me tomorrow."

"Suuure. Some of us have been here 14 hours already. But hey wouldn't want to hold _you_ up anymore. Night . . _Tamale_." He finished with a wicked grin.

"Good night Vic. Stay out of _trouble_." She added with a laugh.

Luka grimaced, walking up behind her. "I'm ready if you are?"

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They stepped through the sliding doors of the ER into the chilly autumn air. Her hair, blowing in the breeze.

"So . . uh . . out with . . . Neela tonight?" He asked, hopefully.

"Um . . no. I .. had a date."

"Oh. . You . . you have a . . pretty good time then?" He swallowed, hard.

She rolled her eyes, laughing ruefully. "No. Not . . really."

He bit his bottom lip, grinning. "You want to talk about it?"

"No. Well . . . I mean . ." She sighed, looking the other way. "It's just that . . there's really nothing . . to talk _about_."

He tilted his head thoughtfully, encouraging her to continue.

"He .. just .. well he .. showed up with a _single _red rose. And . . he had . . this stupid .. grin on his face .. as big _as_ his face." Snidely.

He quietly chuckled. "Just got worse from there, huh?"

"Well . . no. It was . . fine. He was . . fine. I just . ." Closing her eyes, she wavered.

"You just .. what?" He asked, tenderly.

"I didn't want to . . go through . . the motions. I didn't . . feel it."

Quietly nodding. "He must not have been your .. Prince Charming." He added, softly laughing.

Then wistfully, she looked at him. "He wasn't _anybody_ he was supposed to be."

Luka held her gaze longer than he intended to. There was a catch in his breath. "So .. I guess .. you already . . . he took you to dinner?"

"If you call . . sushi .. dinner? Then . . yes .. he did." She added, dryly.

"I . . haven't eaten yet. How about if I . . let you treat me to a steak at . . Morton's?"

"That's _awfully_ kind of you to offer." Sarcastically, as she returned his grin. "_You're_ on."

"Yeah? You really want to go?" Pleasantly surprised.

"Yes! I'm starving! I might as well have stayed at home and made myself some brussels sprouts."

"_You_ don't have brussels sprouts at home." As they walked toward his car.

"You don't know!" Indignantly.

Rolling his eyes. "_Abby_ . . . please. Pop-tarts? Yes. A green vegetable? I don't think so." Smirking as he started the car.

"Pop-tarts are good!"

"They are _not _good. They're disgusting."

"You've never even tried one!"

"I don't have to try one. Looking at them is enough. Fruit paste stuffed inside dry crust? That's not bad enough. Then they spread frosting on it?" His face contorted.

"Well I don't think you should get to have an opinion until you've actually tasted one."

"Alright .. . alright. You win. Anything . . but _that_." Laughing as she glared at him.

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Luka finished giving the waiter his order and listened in amusement as Abby gave her's.

Handing their menus back to the young man, Luka smiled. "In other words, she'll have the same thing I'm having, hold anything resembling a vegetable."

"You just _had _to go there didn't you?" With a scowl on her face, feigning anger.

The waiter laughed as he walked away. "You guys are funny. You remind me of my parents."

Their eyes locked into a blank stare. Luka slowly shook his head. "Not as if I didn't already feel .. _old _enough tonight."

"Ugh . .yeah. The little creep." She joined in, pouting.

Luka took his napkin, quietly unfolding it into his lap. "I think . . it's decided then."

"What's decided?'' Abby asked, confused.

"That _young _waiter just ruined any chance he had of getting a decent tip from _us _tonight." He stated resolutely, before they both broke into a fit of laughter.

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"Now_ that _was a dinner. I'm so full though. You might have to roll me out of here." She groaned.

"Well you better have saved enough room to split one of these fancy desserts with me."

"Luka .. ugh .. no. I can't."

"Come on! Just a few bites?"

"Why are you trying to fatten me up? What am I? A Christmas goose? She giggled.

"Uh huh." He grinned. "Come on_. .. Two _bites."

"Oh .. fine! Go ahead and order it." She laughed, indulging him.

Attempting to get the waiter's attention, he noticed a familiar face across the restaurant . . stealing glances at them.

"Oh . . no." He sighed.

"What? What's wrong?" A frown forming.

"Munson."

"_Munson_? What about him?"

"He's here."

"He's _here_? Where?" She cranked her neck, looking around.

"Don't look that way. Maybe he won't come over." He mumbled under his breath.

"Too late._ Here _he comes." Smiling through gritted teeth.

"Hey Abby!" Munson beamed.

She nodded, greeting him. "Hi Munson." Looking at Luka, grinning.

"Hello Dr. Kovac." In a frosty tone.

"Hey Munson. How are you?"

"Fine." Short.

Raising his eye brows. "We . . were . . just ordering dessert. Do .. you . . want to .. join us?"

"No. I'm meeting someone." He clipped.

Luka's face distorted. Looking to Abby, silently questioning Munson's odd demeanor.

She shrugged, amused. "Well we wouldn't want to _keep_ you then." Pointedly.

"Oh .. ok. I'll see you .. at work then. .." He stuttered.

"See ya." She managed, with a forced smile.

"Nice seeing you Dr. Munson." Luka offered, magnanimously.

"Yeah. Bye." He snapped, purposely making his way back to his own table.

Disbelieving, Luka looked at Abby. "What's _wrong _with that guy?"

"A whole manner of things . . would be _my _guess." She quipped.

"Well what's his problem with _me_?" Defensively.

Rolling her eyes, she sighed. "I think _he_ thinks we're . . on a .. date." Bashfully.

He gazed at her. A wry smile forming on his lips. "Oh . ." Then, puzzled. "Well .. so what? Does he think _he's_ a candidate for your hand or something?" He asked, confounded.

"Do you mind? I did_ just _eat." Looking repulsed by the thought. "That's not it anyway." She assured him.

"What then?"

"I think the . . _curtness _is Munson's way of trying to be a loyal friend .. to Jake."

"He . . knew Jake?"

"Yep .. Jake .. was his roommate. I didn't know until Munson started in the ER."

"You . . never saw him . .at Jake's?"

"I was .. only there once. It was just for 10 minutes." She shrugged.

"_Once_? Weren't . . you two together for . . a few months?" He asked, astounded.

"Well .. he . .always came over to .. my place .. ."

"He was in love with you. . . wasn't he?" Asking softly, already knowing the answer. He watched her as she quietly nodded.

"I . . didn't .. mean . . to hurt him. I tried to . . feel . .what he felt. I even . . _wanted _to .. "

He closed his eyes. Nodded. He knew. He knew all too well. "I .. don't think our hearts .. work that way."

"Yeah .. I know. _Still_ .. it seemed .. perfect. He seemed .. perfect. I just . . didn't . ."

"Feel it." Quietly, finishing her sentence.

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He lost track of time. That happened when he was with her. They sat outside . .on her apartment stairs .. . and talked. .. about everything .. and nothing.

"Wow .. it's after midnight. We both have to work in the morning." He yawned.

"Uh .. actually .. _I_ don't."

"Yeah you do. I looked at the residents' schedule yesterday. You're on at eight."

"You .. must not have heard .. " Hesitantly.

"Heard what?"

"Um .. Neela and I .. were .. suspended."

"Suspended? For _what_?" He demanded.

"There .. we .. treated a chimp. . . In the ER."

"A . . chimp?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"It's like a monkey."

"I_ know _what a chimp is. Where did it . .come from?"

"Uh .. well . . a friend of Clemente's . ."

"_Clemente_ . . of course. I should've known." He snapped.

"Luka .. he was just trying to help. This chimp .. it was a baby. He was really sick . ."

"If_ he _was trying so hard to help, why are you the one suspended?"

"Because .. Once_ Eve _found out, Weaver wasn't far behind. Someone had to pay." She shrugged.

"I'm talking to Weaver. First thing tomorrow." He seethed.

"Please . . _don't_ do that."

"You shouldn't be held responsible for Clemente's stupidity." He continued, insistently.

"It was my choice. I don't need you . . or _anyone_ else cleaning it up for me."

"Abby .. " He pleaded.

"But . . thank you." She added, firmly.

He stared at her. Knew she wasn't budging. "I should . . go. It's late." His tone was cool. Distant.

"Luka .. come on." She sighed. "It's not that I don't .. . I really do appreciate you . . wanting to help."

"_Help_? . .. That's what you think . . ." Nodding, defeated. "I guess .. I'll see you next week then. Bye Abby."

"Night . . " She swallowed.

He got into his car. Never once looked back.

His stomach .. ached. Felt like someone punched him in the gut. He knew what she thought. What she assumed his feelings for her meant. She had decided she was just like all the others._ A project_. He didn't know how to fight that. Didn't know how to show her. And he was tired. Tired of trying.


	7. The Flame is Rekindled

Winding Memories

The Flame is Rekindled

Luka Kovac wouldn't give in to sleep. Sleep would bring the morning all too soon. All he wanted was for . . . time to stand still. She'd fallen asleep on his chest while he stroked the soft skin of her back with his thumb. Back and forth... he caressed. Closing his eyes . . . he relished in the sensation of her chest rising and falling with his. He'd waited a very long time for this night, and he intended to revel in it . . .

Laying there . . . her in his arms, everything seemed to make more sense. The fog lifted. His emotions had been all over the place. He was hurt that she never allowed him to be there for her. Assumed he just pitied her. That she couldn't see how he felt. That she didn't seem to see him at all. He'd been . . . angry with her. Jealous of Clemente. Frustrated with himself for _being_ angry and jealous.

His fingers slowly ran through her hair. It all seemed so irrelevant now. A lifetime ago. She'd come to him. Cried in _front_ of him. Told him how much she hurt. He'd been wrong. Wrong about everything. Tonight changed . . . _everything_.

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She'd been furious with him. He could handle fury. Fury was _passion_. There was a fire in her eyes . . . A fire that doesn't flame with a _friend_. But when she . . . broke . . . he broke. His stomach . . . clenched. A lump formed in his throat. His eyes welled. _He_ had done this. _He_ had been the one to hurt her.

He didn't intend to . . . kiss her. He wanted to hold her. Comfort her. Tell her he was sorry. _But_ . . . when he touched her . . . it was over. Her hand reached up to meet his . . . and he knew. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. Then . . . her lips were meeting his and . .. he wondered . . . how had he ever managed to _stop_ kissing her . . .

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They were addicts that hadn't had a _hit_ . . . for far too long. They couldn't get enough. They didn't want to get enough. Her back . . . slammed into the cold tile of the shower as he reached for the faucet . . . lifting her higher. He grinned as she moaned. Hot water cascaded around them. The crook of her arm tightening around his neck as things grew more . . . intense. She gasped and bit down on his shoulder. He groaned . . .

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"You cold?" He murmured, arms tightening around her.

"Mm mm .. . I'm fine." She purred.

Softly laughing, he picked up her hand, clasping it in his. "Me too." With a contented sigh.

He listened to her breathing shallow. He needed to say something before she drifted off . . . he slowly caressed the palm of her hand, and whispered.

"Abby?"

"Hmm?" Sleepily.

"I'm . . . I . . hate that I hurt you . . ."

She pulled herself up, bracing one hand to the side of him. Gazed into his eyes.

"I . . . _never_ . . want you . . to hurt." He put his head down. Swallowed hard.

She took her hand from out of his grasp and moved it to his cheek, stroking it. "Sshhh . . ." She slowly shook her head, never breaking their gaze. Then both hands were on his face. Her lips moved to his forehead, then each cheek . . . finally landing on his lips . . . lingering there. He smiled through her soft kiss. Then . . . the smile was gone. He deepened the kiss.

She was on top . . . His hands went to her buttocks, urging her. Her head was thrown back. Eyes closed. Mouth slightly opened. He watched her. She was still beautiful . . .

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As she slept . . . he thought about the way she'd kissed his face before. The tenderness of it. He remembered the last time a woman kissed him that way. She had been on her way to a life with another man. Carol had said . . . he would find _her_. Luka looked down at the woman asleep on his chest, picked up her hand, and decided . . . _maybe_ . . . she was right. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him over.


	8. The Night is for Longing

Winding Memories

The Night is for Longing

Luka walked into his empty apartment. Dropped his keys on the kitchen table. Made his way to the sink where two plates still remained in standing water. In their rush to the hospital, they'd left them. He turned the hot water on to finish the job they'd started together. _Together_ . . . There it was. The unpleasant feeling that had been washing over him since he left the ER tonight. Well . . . since those words left her mouth. _Maybe we should just leave it at that then . . . _

He should have just . . . told her. Said . . . what he _really _wanted._ Leave at that?_ How could he do that _now? _After the way he felt last night . . . making love to her. How could . . . _she_? How was he supposed to go to work every day, pretend that he didn't . . . _want_ her. She would be dating. He cringed. How could he . . . go through that again? Feeling sick at the very thought of it. Another man wanting her . .. touching her. He shook it off. Couldn't deal with it tonight.

He turned off the water, leaving the dishes to dry on their own. Made his way to the refrigerator, realizing he hadn't eaten since this morning . . . well . . afternoon . .. with her. He glanced at the contents on the shelves. Nothing looked remotely appealing. A bottle of ketchup sat off to the side. There it was again. That feeling. . .. He sighed, shutting the door. _Food_ wasn't what he wanted . . . or needed tonight.

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He didn't know what to do with himself. He wandered around the apartment, looking for something, _anything_ to distract him. She'd been here just one night, but already . .. he missed her. Kneeling down, he scanned his CD collection. Found the one he was looking for. He popped the disc in and flipped to the track he wanted. Stretching out on the couch, he closed his eyes, as Jewel began to sing.

_I hear the clock, it's 6 am .. . I feel so far from where I've been . . . I got my eggs and my pancakes too .. . I got my maple syrup, everything but you . . . _

He had told her the friendship was important to him and . . . it _was_. He was .. scared. Scared of losing that. What if they got together again . . couldn't make it work. What if she wasn't in his life at all . . .

_Cause . . . dreams last so long . .. Even after you're gone . . . I know, that you love me . . . And soon you will see . . . You were meant for me . . . And I was meant for you . . . _

He hummed softly along to the music, throwing one of the pillows from the couch up in the air, and then catching it. What if it _did_ work? What if they could have _both . . ._

_I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead . . . I try and tell myself it'll be all right . . . I shouldn't think anymore tonight . . ._

He knew what he wanted. Did _she_?

_And I know, that you love me . . . And soon I know you will see . . . You were meant for me . . . And I was meant for you . . . Yeah, you were meant for me . . . And I was meant for you._

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He brushed his teeth, then slipped out of his shirt and jeans. Crawled into bed. Buried his face in the pillow where her head had been resting. He took in a deep breath. The soft floral scent of her hair still lingered.

He rested his head on her pillow. Looked at the rumpled state his sheets were in. _Nice?_ She didn't seem to think it was _nice _when her nails were digging into his back. It wasn't _nice _when she woke him up at dawn .. her kisses moving further down his torso . . . The word _nice_ never left her mouth as she gasped and moaned . . . begging him to stop _teasing_ her. Maybe _she_ needed a dictionary. He grinned.

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He couldn't sleep. Taking off his boxers, he stepped into the shower. Thought the hot water might relax him. It didn't. He couldn't stop thinking about her. What they'd be doing in this shower had she agreed to a ride home tonight. He shook his head and switched the faucet. Gasped as the ice cold water hit him. He cringed, then sighed. It had to be done.

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He'd gotten chilled. He lay under the sheets and comforter, shivering. His hand reached over and caressed her pillow. The dreaded feeling once again washed over him. He had only felt this way one other time . . .

_Danjiela didn't come to school one day. He had walked to her house. Wanted to make sure she was ok. Her father let him in, called for Danjiela to come down. He could tell she'd been crying. Her father told her to be quick about it. She had taken him by the hand and led him outside. _

_Then . . . she told him. Her father wasn't allowing her to see him anymore. He had decided they had gotten too close. Said no good could come of it. That if it kept up, Danjiela would no doubt . . lose her virtue. Luka had pleaded with her. Said they would be careful. Meet secretly. It was no use. She said she couldn't . . . wouldn't disobey her father. He walked away, but looked back. She was already inside. Just like tonight . . ._

_That night .. . he had no interest in supper. He laid on his back in the grass. Stared up at the stars. His father eventually came out. Laid down next to him. Told him whenever Luka was ready, he was there to listen. It was quiet for a long time, then . . he was ready. _

Luka ran his fingers through his damp hair. Smiled as he remembered the advice his father gave him that night.

_He had told his father that he had to accept that this was what Danjiela wanted. His father frowned, asked if he really believed Danjiela didn't want to be with him. He had shrugged, said he thought she did. Then, he asked what Luka felt. And . . he told him. Told him about the terrible feeling of sadness . . of loss . . of wanting her . . that wouldn't leave him. His father smiled softly. Told him that feeling was called . . longing. He went on to tell him that longing doesn't usually go away. That it's best not to fight it . . ._

_The next morning, he knocked on Danjiela's front door. Her father ushered him out. Said this was no longer allowed. Luka stood up straight. Told the man of his decision. The older man regarded him thoughtfully. After several minutes he turned, walked to the house and told Danjiela she had a guest. _

_As they laid on a blanket, looking up at the clouds, Danjiela turned to him and asked how he did it. How had he changed her father's mind. He had smiled, told her of his promise. That they would wait until their wedding night. Tears had formed in her eyes as she buried her head in his chest. He stroked her hair. Told her he knew he could deal with almost anything. But not . . . longing._

He looked out the window, saw the stars in the sky, and took a deep breath. The longing wouldn't last this time either. He grinned. Abby would be back in his arms soon enough. He would make _sure_ of it.


	9. The Honeymoon Suite is Open

Winding Memories

The Honeymoon Suite is Open

Luka Kovac awoke with a stream of sun light shining on his face. He squinted, and lifted his head off the pillow. Smiling, he turned to face her. She was . . . gone. He sat up, and stretched. The clock next to her bed read 9:34 A.M. Hoisting himself up, he walked out of her bedroom, naked.

"Aaabby . . ." He hummed, making his way out to the living room.

"Abby?" Becoming less sure of himself as he looked around the small apartment.

He'd checked before leaving the ER last night, she wasn't on until seven A.M. tomorrow. He started to feel . . . anxious.

He reached down, picked up his boxer's and slacks from the floor in the hallway. Sighed as he slipped them on. They'd been almost . . frenetic by that point. He closed his eyes. Thought about how . . . passionate she'd been. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so sure about . . . _anything_. More than that, last night .. . he _knew_ . . . she felt the same.

As he stepped into the kitchen .. he saw it. Under his car keys, sat a light blue piece of stationery paper. He slowly walked over. Held his breath. . . and started to read.

_Luka,_

_Pop-tarts seem to be the only breakfast item I have in this place. Running to the store to get a few things.Make yourself at home._

_Abby_

Relief washed over him. He felt foolish for doubting her. Doubting himself. He let out a deep breath, and decided to get to work. He knew there was one item she'd never be out of. Smiling softly to himself, he realized he still remembered where she kept everything. He had just started grinding the coffee beans when he heard the key in the lock.

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She stepped through the door, her face nearly covered by two large, brown sacks.

He walked over, meeting her at the door.

He took her in. Messy hair was swept up in a clip. Strands fell loosely around her face. She had on worn blue jeans and a white T-shirt.

"Let me get those." He murmured, his lips meeting her's for a soft kiss.

He gently pulled away. "Morning."

"Morning . ." She whispered, her lips lingering on his.

"Abby?"

"Hmm?" Eyes still closed.

"I should probably put these down."

"Oh! Yeah . . you should."

"What's all this?"

"I got eggs, ham, English muffins, strawberries, blueberries, grapes, yogurt . . ." Rattling off the items as they unloaded the bags.

"We're going to eat _all this_?" He asked, chuckling.

She moved behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "After last night . . . I'm famished. I thought . . . _you_ would be too." She slowly swayed back and forth. Her fingers lightly stroked up and down his abdomen.

He closed his eyes, moving with her. Having her body so close to his . . felt right. He turned around in her arms. His lips went to her neck, placing soft kisses down to her collar bone.

"I am . . . pretty hungry." He growled.

She giggled. "I mean it. I'm starving."

"Me_ too_." Raising his eye brows suggestively.

She giggled, slapping him playfully. "I'm serious! I really want ham and eggs!"

"Ok . .ok. You win. I'll have some too. Just don't put ketchup anywhere near mine."

"Well actually .. . I thought _you _could maybe just make them for us?"

"Oh . .. That's what you thought huh? So .. at _my_ place, _I _make breakfast. And at _your_ place . . . _I_ also make breakfast. Hmmm. Funny how that works."

"I just know they'll taste much better if you make them is all." She tilted her head, batting her eye lashes.

He smiled, and bobbed his head. He couldn't resist her . . . and she knew it.

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"Luka . . . just leave the dishes! I'll get to them later."

"I already started. See?" He gathered some bubbles in his palm, blowing them at her.

"I've got _more_ bubbles. We could . . . put some in a bath . . ." She suggested seductively, running her hands up his arms and then draping them around his neck.

"We _could_ do that . . . But . . . "

"_But_?" She asked, frowning.

"I don't know . .. Just seems _silly_ to carry all those dishes to the bathtub." Laughing at her mock scowl.

"You're hilarious. That's just fine. If you don't _want_ to join me . . ."

She was cut short when his lips came firmly down on her's. One hand reached over, turned off the water as the kiss deepened. He swiftly lifted her to the edge of the counter and pressed into her. He felt her legs wrap tightly around his waist.

"That feel like I don't want to join you?" His voice, low and deep.

"Mmm mmm .. ."

He lifted her shirt over her head. She pulled him closer, both arms tightening around his neck. The smooth fabric of her bra rubbed against his bare chest. The friction felt nice but he reached up, unclasping it. His fingers caressed her. His mouth wasn't far behind.

"On second thought . . . " Voice raspy and breathless. "We _could_ just stay here." Her hand moved down, unbuttoning his pants.

"Mmmm hmm . . ." He softly moaned.

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She lay underneath him on the couch, her eyes closed.

"Mmm . . . that was . . ."

"Nice?" He lifted his head off her chest, grinning devilishly.

She tugged lightly on his hair. "You_ know _what I meant by . . . nice."

"No . .. I don't think I do. I think you should probably tell me." Kissing her neck.

"What _exactly_ . .. do you want to hear?" That . . . that . . the earth moved that night?" She asked, giggling.

He pulled himself up, looked into her eyes. Stroked her cheek. "It did for me."

She grew serious. Took his face in her hands. "Me too . . ."

"Yeah?" He bit his lip, grinning.

"Yeah." Softly.

He stretched. Turned on his side, taking her with him. He pulled a throw blanket over them, his arms tightening around her waist. His face nuzzled against her hair.

"I . . thought I was . .. burned out . . . before . . you came to me .. that night." His fingers stroked her arm.

"Burned out?" She murmured.

"I didn't think I'd get the feeling again. You . . you know when .. your heart starts going crazy when someone walks in the room?"

"Do I make your heart go crazy when I walk in a room?" She teased him, kissing his shoulder.

He blushed, rolling his eyes. "You're ruining the moment."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Squeezing his arms tighter.

"It's ok." He chuckled.

They lay there holding each for a long time. He was just about to drift off when she spoke.

"Luka?"

"Hmm?"

"My heart goes crazy when you walk in a room too."

He smiled sleepily. "I know."

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The hallway was dark, but there was light coming from under the bathroom door. Water was running. He quietly pushed the door open. A wave of heat and steam swarmed him. The silhouette of her naked body through the foggy shower door . . . took his breath away. She was . . . singing. He smiled, straining to hear the off key lyrics.

_''You came along .. . just like a song .. . and brightened my day . . . _

_And I can't smile without you . . .can't smile without you . . . can't laugh . .. and I can't sing . .. finding it hard to do anything . .." _

He was about to join her, when he heard the phone ring. He quickly made his way to the living room, and instinctively went to answer it. Stopped himself, debating whether or not it was appropriate to be answering her phone. The decision was made for him as he heard the answering machine click on. He froze when he heard the voice on the other end.

_"Hey Abby .. . it's John. Just calling to .. uh . . . catch up. Um . . I called the ER . .. they said you weren't on today. There's really no way for you to call me back . . right now. I might just .. try you again in a couple hours. Talk to you soon then." _

He swallowed hard. Tried his best to shake it off. It was . . . absurd that this was getting to him. It was just a phone call. Of course they still kept in touch . . . why wouldn't they? They were friends . . . He walked over to the kitchen table, pulled out a chair. This feeling was all too familiar . . . and he hated it.

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"Hey sleepy head." She walked over to him, brushing her hair. "I was _hoping _you'd wake up and join me . . . but I was about to prune."

"I've been awake for a while." Taking her hand, watching it curl up in his.

"So . . . what kept you?" She asked, softly swinging his hand.

He put one arm around her, pulled her to his lap.

"John called."

She frowned. "Carter?"

"Yeah." He replied evenly.

"What'd he say?"

"I don't .. . I didn't answer. The machine picked up. He . . said he just called to . . _catch_ _up_.And that . . he'd try back in a few hours."

She shrugged. "Oh. ok. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for lunch."

She tried to stand. He made no attempt to move his arm from around her waist. "Luka, let me up!" She laughed.

"Does he . . . call you a lot?"

"Who? Carter?" She shook her head. "No .. actually, this is the first I've heard from him since he left."

"Oh. I was just curious." Nodding his head. "I would think he'd be . . . _busy_. I mean .. I haven't heard from him. Doesn't seem like anyone _else_ in the ER has either . . ."

"You upset that he hasn't been in touch?"

"No! I mean . . that's not . . . what I'm saying."

"Luka . . what's going on? You're not .. . are you . . . _jealous_?" She asked, confounded.

He shrugged. "Is that so strange?"

"Well . .. kind of. I didn't think . .."

"You didn't think . . what?"

"It's just that .. . I've never seen you . . . jealous .. before."

He smiled sadly. "You really didn't know .. . did you?"

"Know what?"

"How deep it went for me . .. back then."

She turned in his lap, tilted her head.

"That's . . that's why I . . . let you go. I thought . . . _he_ was . . what you wanted."

"He wasn't." Quickly, shaking her head.

"Then . . why did you . . . why were you . . with him?"

She touched his lips, her fingers brushing back and forth across them.

"Sometimes . .. you don't always get . .. what you want."

He nodded. Rested his head on her shoulder. Closed his eyes. "_Sometimes _. . . you do."

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"You want to watch something?" Bending over, looking through her collection of movies. When he didn't answer, she turned around.

"Luka? Did you hear .. ." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "I guess you're already watching something .. . huh?"

He grinned sheepishly, walking toward her. "It's not my fault. You can see through these." Rubbing the material of her silky, cream colored lounge pants between his fingers.

"I should actually . .. go home. I haven't . . had a shower .. and I don't really want to put .. _these_ clothes back on."

"Oh . . . ok."

"I could .. come back later. I mean . . if you wanted me to?"

She nodded. "I'll . . make us dinner?"

"You're . . . sure?"

"Yeah. I mean . . it'll probably just be soup and sandwiches but .. . "

"That's not what I meant. Dinner sounds . .. great. I just want to make sure I'm not . . . crowding you."

She kissed him lightly, then held his gaze. "You're not crowding me."

He grabbed his keys and headed for the door. "What kind of sandwiches we having?"

"How about grilled cheese?"

"Sounds good. I'll bring jam. You never have any."

"_Actually _. . . I picked some up the other day."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He couldn't recall exactly when he stopped paying attention to the movie. It starred some blonde actress, who he assumed, he was supposed to find irresistible. He stretched out on the couch, Abby's back pressed against his chest. His chin rested on her head. Hands lightly stroked her stomach.

"That tickles."

He kissed the top of her head. "Sorry."

"Well I didn't say that was a bad thing." She turned, catching his mouth.

"You're missing the movie." He mumbled between kisses.

"I don't care." She whispered, straddling him. Her hands moved to his buttocks, sliding under his jeans.

Both groaned when they heard the phone ring. She reached over to pick it up, irritated.

"Hello?"

"Oh. Hey Carter . . . "

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She looked over to him apologetically.

He shook his head, squeezing her hand. Something had shifted in him since their talk. What he'd felt today was just leftover _stuff_. He realized Carter wasn't a threat to them. Maybe he never was. _Fear_ was what had kept he and Abby apart for so long.

Luka decided he found it somewhat entertaining the way Abby consistently referred to an old boyfriend by his last name. He tried to imagine her constantly calling him "Kovac". Scoffed at the idea.

She had waded through the pleasantries, and was now listening intently. Then, a broad smile covered her face.

He cocked his head, questioning her. Softly laughing as she mouthed the words.

"That's great Carter. I'm really happy for you. You know what? Neela and Gallant were actually married yesterday too."

He listened as she detailed Carter about Neela's impromptu ceremony.

"It's was . .. _different_. But Neela was beautiful. Jerry was . . . the minister." She paused.

"I don't know. Apparently he's been doing it for a while. Morris says he calls himself _Father_ _Superior_."

"But .. . it was fine. There was .. food and _music_."

He gently pushed her back on the couch, and repositioned. His knees on either side, he gazed down at her.

"Um . . yeah . . . I danced a little."

He picked up her hand, placing soft kisses all the way up her arm. Sang to her in a hushed voice. "Yellow feathers in her hair . . ."

"Oh yeah . . . I _definitely_ . . . had a good time." Running her fingers through his hair, as his lips made their way down to her cleavage.

"And a dress cut down to there . . ."

"Oh it's . . I'm listening to a _special _on. . . Barry Manilow's greatest hits." She placed her hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"Yeah . . . _I know_. But . .. he kind of grows on you." She smirked.

"It's ok. It was good to hear from you Carter . ."

Luka was puzzled by the sudden distorted look that appeared on her face.

"Of course I'm _ok _with it. Why . . . wouldn't I be?"

"Oh .. well . . don't worry. I'm fine." She rolled her eyes. "We'll have to get together the next time you're in the city. I'd love to have dinner with you and Kem. Maybe . . . Luka can come too."

He looked up, raising his eye brows. She ruffled his hair, amused.

"No problem . . I'll be sure to tell everyone. Take care. Oh, and Congratulations . . again!"

Sighing, she pushed him off. Then turned around, leaning back against his chest. "You get all that?"

"Yeah. Pretty sure. Carter got married, _and _he thinks you might be bothered by it?"

"Pretty much. I think at some point, he probably heard I wasn't too thrilled about the way he showed up with Kem in the first place."

He nodded. "He did. I told him .. . I didn't like the way he handled it."

"You . . . did? When?"

"Um, I don't remember for sure. Kem was still . .. pregnant."

"That was really . . . sweet of you."

He shrugged. "I told you . . I hate when you hurt. Always have."

Burying her face in his arm. "Thank you. I _am _happy for him though." She sat up straight, turned to face him. "I hope . .. _you_ know that."

"I do." He answered with certainty.

"You say that a lot lately." She smiled, sinking back into his arms.


	10. The Song was Greensleeves

Winding Memories

The Song was Greensleeves

The twinkling tree lit up the dark living room. Luka couldn't take his eyes off of it. The simple white lights had an almost mesmerizing effect. He sat with his feet propped on her coffee table. She'd drifted off hours ago, head resting in his lap. His fingers moved through her hair. She turned slightly, let out a quiet sigh in her sleep. He looked down, smiled at the small frown forming on her brow. The realization of her news was finally beginning to sink in.

A baby . . . _their_ baby. His index finger slid down, gently tracing her face . . . _with her nose _. . . his thumb softly brushed across . . . _maybe her lips _. . . He closed his eyes, allowing himself a second to imagine it . . . imagine . . . _him_ . . or _her_. He shook it off. It was a slippery slope. Couldn't think too much on that. His eyes moved back to the bright lights, got lost in them.

Abby was right. The past three weeks had been everything he could have hoped for . . . and more.

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_December 4th_

It was almost midnight when he reached over and picked up the phone. It rang several times before . ..

"ER. . "

"Hey Fr . ." He was quickly cut off by the old man's barking.

"Hold please."

He sighed, impatiently tapping his fingers on the night stand.

"ER . . may I help you?"

"Oh Jerry. Glad it's you. Hey listen . . is Dr. Lockhart . . . around?"

"Um . . I just saw her a few minutes ago. You want me to get her?"

"Uh yeah. I just . . need to make sure she sent out . . . labs on a .. patient." He stammered.

"Oh! I can check that for you. Let me just pull . . ."

"Uh no that's ok. I'd just feel better .. if I talked to _her_ .. about it."

"I'll bet you would. Hold on. I'll find her so you two can discuss . .. _the labs_."

Luka was pretty sure he heard Jerry let out a boisterous laugh before he put the phone down. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head in amusement.

"This is Dr. Lockhart."

"Dr. Lockhart . . . Dr. Kovac here." Flirtatiously.

"Hi." He could hear the smile in her voice.

"I um .. told Jerry I was calling about a patient. Can he . . see you?"

"Sure can."

"Guess you'll have to . . . _improvise_."

"I'll give it a shot. So . .what's going on with . . . _that_ patient?" She asked innocently.

"He's just having a _hard_ time . . . making it through the night." Kicking off the covers.

"Oh . . . poor guy.That can be _very_ hard . . . Think an ice pack would help?"

"Definitely _not_. When do you think you'll be able to make . . . _rounds_?"

"I'm signing out my last two patients. I'd be happy to swing by and make sure that gets _taken care of_."

"In that case . . . I might have to give you a bonus."

"Oh .. it's _my pleasure _Doctor . . ."

"I'll be waiting." He growled.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_December 9th _

"Is this . . . some sort of test?" He whined.

"Luka . . . if you don't want to come with me, you don't have to!"

"No! I mean . .. " He gently took a hold of her hips, pulling her close to him. "I want us to do something . . together tonight . . . I just hate . . . _the mall_."

"Well .. . I'm not planning to move in there. I need to go to _one_ store to pick up a gift for Neela. Then we'll go. OK?"

"You promise?" Skeptically.

"Oh geez. Yes . . I promise." She quickly gave him a peck on the lips. "You big baby."

He looked around uncomfortably at the manikins. They were all dressed in _extremely _skimpy bras and panties. Several woman came in, looking him over as they passed by. There was nowhere to hide. He spotted her across the room, going through a rack of nighties.

"How much longer you going to be?" He grumbled.

"Not long." She sighed, exasperated.

"You could've told me the place you had to _just pick something up at_ . .. was Victoria's Secret."

"What fun would that have been?" She giggled. "Besides . . . what did you think? It _is_ a bridal shower."

"Why is she having a bridal shower now anyway? Don't you women usually have those _before_ the wedding?" Picking up a black lace teddy, examining it.

"We _women_ didn't have a whole lot of notice. You like that huh?" She looked over at him grinning.

He shrugged. "Yeah of course . . but . .. "

"But?"

He leaned into her. "I like _you_ in whatever you're wearing." Then rubbing his cheek against hers, he whispered. "And whatever you're not . . . _too_."

She pushed him away playfully, taking the lingerie from his hands. "This should fit her. Seems like it caught _your_ eye. You ready?"

"You're not getting anything for yourself?"

"Nooo . . . " She rolled her eyes.

He walked to a shelf a few feet away. "Not even one of these?" He picked up a white silk gown with lace embroidered on the bodice. He'd seen her holding it up to herself in the mirror.

She laughed, shaking her head. "It's very pretty, but I'm not spending 85 dollars on a nightgown."

He nodded. "You're right. It's silly to spend so much on one nightgown."

"Glad we're on the same page. Just let me pay for this, then we'll go."

Ducking around the corner, he stopped a sales lady. Took out his credit card, handing it to her. "I need you to do something for me."

The next evening, she came to the door, wearing that same gown, in a shade of pale pink. He grinned, catching his breath.

"The strangest thing happened today." As she pranced into the living room.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" He asked amused, following her lead.

"_Someone _had this gown delivered to my apartment."

"_Really_? How about that . . ." Walking closer. His eyes roaming her body.

"Yeah . . . Not only that . . . a white one . . . and . . a lavender one. . ."

"Wow." Snaking his arms around her. "_Someone_ must have known how beautiful you'd look in them."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_December 15th _

"You're sure you don't feel weird about this?" She asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"No. At least I didn't until you asked me three times if I felt weird about it." He added sarcastically.

She turned slightly, staring out the window.

After a moment, he reached over squeezing her hand. Then softly. "Why are you nervous about this?"

"I don't know. . . I guess it just feels _strange_ . . . being _together _. . in front of our friends."

He shrugged. "It's just Neela and Gallant." He found a parking place, turned off the engine. "Come on." Holding out his hand. "It'll be fun."

They scanned the busy restaurant looking for the other couple. Finally Abby smiled, waving toward a booth in the corner.

Gallant stood up when he saw them coming. "Hey guys." Kissing Abby on the cheek, then extending his hand to Luka. "Good to see you."

"Yeah you too. Where's Neela?" She asked, looking around as Luka helped her slide out of her coat.

"She should be here soon. Got stuck in surgery. I ordered for me and Neela already."

They nodded, each picking up a menu.

Gallant was in the middle of a story when Neela rushed through the restaurant doors.

"To this day I still don't know what some of that stuff was _for_ . .. and I'm a married man." Stopping when he saw her. "Hey you!"

"Hey everyone!" Scooting in next to Gallant.

"Neela." Luka nodded, smiling.

"_I'm_ usually the one flying in somewhere like my hair's on fire." Abby teased.

"Yes. You _are_. What was so funny before?"

Gallant looked over to Abby and Luka, grinning. "Oh we were just talking about a patient in the ER .. a few years back. She had _a bag _of . .. "

"A bag of .. what?"

Gallant shrugged. "Sex toys."

"Oh . .. sounds wild." Letting out a half-hearted giggle.

"Oh it was wild alright. Abby got us _all _a full day of detention over it."

"Detention?" Neela asked, frowning.

"Ever seen _The_ _Breakfast Club_?" Gallant asked.

"What?" Neela shook her head, confused.

"Oh right. It was _all_ me . .. " Abby scoffed.

"Well yeah. It pretty much was. You and Susan Lewis." Gallant insisted.

"Luka?" She whined."Are you going to defend me at _all_ here?"

He slowly shook his head. Tried to keep a straight face. "I really . .. can't. I _want_ to . . but I can't." She slapped him on the arm, and he lost it.

Abby glared at him, then turned her scowl to Gallant, before resting on Neela. "Let me tell you the _real_ story . . ."

Gallant leaned in, making eye contact with Luka. "Oh . . this ought to be _good_."

"Mmm hmmm . . ." He nodded, then watched her adoringly as she told _her_ version of the events.

When she was finished, they were all in a fit of laughter.

"You know .. . " Neela began thoughtfully. "I don't think there's any way around it .. ." She looked at Abby with mock sympathy. "You _were_ to blame."

"You traitor." Abby snarked, good-naturedly.

"But .. but!" She continued "Also sounds to _me _. . . like you guys had a pretty good time."

Abby shrugged. Turned to look at Luka. "It was nice . . . _meeting_ Hamlet."

"Hamlet? You never mentioned anything about _Hamlet_. . ." Neela pointed out, perplexed.

"No .. I didn't. Did I?" Never breaking their gaze.

Neela looked back and forth at them. Sighed.

Luka felt Abby's hand release his. "I'm gonna run to the ladies room."

"OK." Smiling, then looking to Neela. "You're not going _with_ her?"

"Nope. Girls don't _always _have go to the bathroom together." She smirked.

"Of course they don't." He rolled his eyes in the direction of a chuckling Gallant.

Neela looked over Luka's shoulder, squinting at the waiter moving closer. "Is that our food already?"

"Already? I've been here an hour." Gallant retorted, dryly.

"Looks like it." Luka added as the waiter approached with a large tray.

As a heaping plate was placed in front of Abby's empty chair, Luka glanced down frowning. "Are those mushrooms?"

"Yes sir." The waiter nodded.

He picked up the plate, handing it back. Shook his head. "She won't eat this. Sorry. She must not have noticed. Maybe bring her . .. spaghetti and meatballs? Extra meatballs . . . I mean . . _a lot _of meatballs." He held a long look with the waiter, making sure he understood.

The young man finally looked away, laughing. "Alright sir. You got it. Coming right up."

He glanced over, saw Neela staring into her plate. "Neela is something . ."

His question was cut short by Abby's return. "I'm back." Sliding into the booth. "Hey .. where's mine?"

"Had mushrooms in it."

"Ugh . . . disgusting."

"I told him to bring you spaghetti and meatballs instead. We can share mine for now."

She nodded, taking a piece of garlic bread off his plate. "I hope they bring enough meatballs."

"I think they will." Confidently.

Gallant looked over at Neela. Dropped his fork. "What's wrong?" Reached out, touching her arm. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not. I'm fine." Quickly wiping her eyes. "I just . . . excuse me." She quietly got up and left the table.

Gallant looked to Abby, bewildered.

"You . . ordered _that_ for her?" Abby asked, glancing at Neela's plate.

"Yeah . . . They've . . got the best Shrimp Scampi in Chicago." Growing more puzzled.

Abby nodded. "She's um ... _allergic_ to shell fish."

Luka grimaced, letting out a long sigh.

"She's . . . Oh man." Gallant groaned.

Luka's hand moved over, resting on her thigh.

"Yeah . . . she carries an EpiPen .. ."

Gallant rubbed his forehead. "I didn't know."

"I'll go talk to her." Quickly patting Gallant's hand as she got up. "It's gonna be ok."

Luka watched Abby intently as she moved away from the table.

Gallant threw his hands in the air. "I would have ordered something else if I'd known."

Luka blinked, gave him a weak smile. "Yeah . . of course. You just . .. _didn't know_."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_December 18th_

"To the left . . no to the left. My left!"

"You know what! Just stop helping . . huh?" He laughed, trying to navigate the tree through her living room.

"There! That's perfect."

"I'm glad it meets your approval." He teased, lazily draping an arm over her shoulder.

She leaned into him."You're staying to help decorate right?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Good." Grinning. "I'll get us some hot chocolate. You can start unpacking those boxes!" She yelled from the kitchen.

"Right away .. . _bossy_!" Bellowing back at her.

She stuck her head out the kitchen door. Clasped her hands behind her back and sauntered toward him. She stood on her toes, giving him a quick kiss.Then coyly. "Please?"

He wrapped his arms around her, lifting her slightly off the ground. Nuzzled her neck. "No problem."

They were unloading the last box when he saw it. It was covered by a thin sheet of tissue paper, but there was no mistaking the shape. He gently lifted it out, pulled the tissue paper off. He turned his wrist, watching the delicate white flakes fall on the reindeer. Reaching down, he quickly rotated the small knob on the bottom. Closed his eyes as the song began to play.

She was standing frozen with her back to him. He quietly walked over, ran the back of his hand up and down her arm. Then, softly. "Would it have made . . a difference . . . if I hadn't been . . . drunk?"

She slowly turned, tenderly looked up at him. Her lips parted. His fingers quickly moved to silence them. "Don't. Neither answer would be any easier . .. to hear."

She looked down, clasped his hand in hers. "You said .. . you didn't _remember_."

He slowly nodded. Smiled wistfully at her. "You left with the _other_ guy. I didn't think it mattered anymore."

She took the snow globe from his hand, placing it on her mantel. Nestled her head in chest. "It matters to me."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_December 23rd_

"What are you saying _exactly_? That I'm the one with no control? Laughing, as they made their way to his couch.

"No. I'm just saying .. . maybe it would be good for us to go _one_ night _without_ . . . you know?"

"I've got no problem with that. I don't see the_ point _. . . but it's no problem."

"The _point_ of it is . . . I just want to make sure."

"Make sure of . . . what?"

"That .. . that . . there's more to _this_ . . than just . . _great_ sex."

"Ahh." He nodded, amused.

"Don't laugh at me! I'm serious." Getting slightly emotional.

"Hey. . ." Reaching over, raising her chin. "I'm not laughing .. . I'm fine with it. OK?"

She slowly nodded. Let out a deep breath. "OK."

The TV was tuned to some reality show. A bunch of idiots eating bugs and jumping off of high buildings. She was laying on top of him. Her stomach pressed into his. It wasn't easy to concentrate . . . on _anything_ else. But she'd asked for one night. He intended to give it to her.

He felt her hand slide under his shirt. But _he_ was the one with no control . .. He reached under, pulled her hand out and placed it back on the side of the couch. Pretended to be engrossed in the actions of the bug eaters.

Her lips moved to his neck, softly sucking. "Abby . . . ."

"Mmm hmm?" Lips never leaving his neck.

He pointed to the TV. "I'm trying to watch this."

She looked up at him, smirked. "No you're not."

"_Yes_ . .. I am." Resolutely.

Her knee pressed into him. "No . . . you're _really_ not."

"What are you trying to do to me here! You say we shouldn't do . . . _this_. Now you're all over me!"

Her hands ran up and down his thighs. "I was being silly." Lips landed on his, parting them with her tongue.

He let her kiss him, then broke away. "No. You were right. It's best to be sure."

Her fingers moved to his belt. "I _am_ sure."

His hand came down on hers. "I don't think it's a good idea tonight." He got up, letting her roll to the other side of the couch. Strolled to the kitchen. Returned with an ice cold bottle of water. "Here." Handing it to her. "See if this helps." He grinned. Made his way to the stairs. "I'm pretty tired." He yawned. I'm gonna head up to the . . . _bedroom_.

It wasn't long before he felt her crawl in next to him. He had decided to leave his boxer's on. Her bare leg curved around his. Her hands moved down his torso. "_Luka_ . . ." She purred. He ignored her fondling until he couldn't take it anymore. Grabbing her wrists, he flipped her over onto her back.

His tongue left a wet trail down her chest. She let out a quiet moan.

He stopped, looked up at her, grinning. Then, seductively. "You'll have to do better than _that_ tonight."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_December 24th_

It took him several seconds to register what she just said. He was sure she'd taken him out here to .. . end it. But . . she was . ..

"Pregnant?"

She quickly nodded. "Yeah."

He took a deep breath, looking around the snow covered street. He didn't know what to think . .. what to say . . .

"Are you OK?" She asked quietly.

He studied her face. She was . . . terrified. And then he knew. This couldn't be about _him_.

He reached over, brushing a strand of hair from her eyes. Nodded. "But . . . are _you_?"

He saw one tear threaten to slip from the corner of her eye, as she slowly shook her head. "No."

He pulled her close, wrapping his arm around her. "Let's go."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

December 25th

He felt her begin to stir. She turned, burying her head in his stomach.

"What time is it?" Groggily.

"Little after three." Rubbing the small of her back.

"You been awake this whole time?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"For dropping a bomb on you . . . then going to sleep."

Chuckling. "You were pretty tired."

"Yep . .. Guess we know why . . ."

He smiled. Then, tentatively. "When did you .. . find out?"

"Yesterday . . morning." She turned on her back, picked up his hand. "I don't know why . . I didn't think about it .. _before_."

He shrugged. "We've been busy."

She rolled her eyes, laughed in spite of herself. "Obviously."

"That's not what I meant!" He blushed.

"Well . . . it's _true_."

"We _were_ careful .. . though."

She sat up slightly, raising her eye brows.

He bobbed his head, grinning. "For the most part."

She lay back down, her arms tightening around his waist. "Yeah . . . for the most part."

She was quiet for a while. Then, she looked up at him.

"You . . _want_ this .. don't you?"

He looked down into her eyes. "Yes."


	11. Without a Net

**My appoligies for the delay in updating. A big thank you to _everyone _who's read, reviewed and encouraged the continuation of this story**.

Without a Net

Luka wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting there. Didn't care. Abby was here . . . with him. And she hadn't . . . Their baby. He closed his eyes, leaned in closer. Squeezed her hand a little tighter. Neither had spoken. Just stared ahead at the water. They'd been to hell and back over the past two weeks. It felt good to just . . . be. Finally, she broke the silence.

"Penny for your thoughts." A shy whisper.

He turned to her, grinning. Wrapped one arm around her shoulder, pulling her in tight. "Give you a quarter for yours."

"Your money's no good here." She laughed.

He sighed, resting his cheek on top of her head. "I was thinking about . . . how much our lives just changed."

"Yeah." She replied softly.

"You're sure . . . you're okay with that?" He had to ask. Needed to know this wasn't just for him.

She pulled back, looked into his eyes. Then, resolutely. "I'm okay with that."

"Why did you . . . what changed your mind?" Tenderly, as he brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

She smiled, slowly shaking her head. "I don't really . . . know."

"What do you mean?"

Abby shrugged. "I mean . . . I was sitting in that waiting room . . . and all of the sudden . . . I didn't understand _why_. It was as if . . . I knew . . . as if I'd always known _this_ was what I wanted and . . . I couldn't imagine ever _not _wanting it.''

He shook his head, a wide grin taking over his face. Would she ever cease to amaze him? He thought he knew. Thought he knew for sure. A child wasn't in their future . . . and that was okay. He'd made peace with it. He meant what he said. They could get past it. If it wasn't right for her, then it was never right to begin with. But here she was . . . facing her fears . . . taking the chance . . . with him.

She got up, pulling him with her. "Now take me home. I'm freezing my ass off here."

Chuckling, his hand remained firmly wrapped in hers, as they made their way to his car. "I could probably come up with a few ways to warm you . . . "

"Just what did you have in mind?" She questioned, mock innocently. "Fleece booties and a hot chocolate?"

"Sure, keep the booties on. They won't get in my way." Wickedly grinning, as he opened the car door for her.

As she playfully slapped him, he quickly leaned in, catching her lips with his own.

Breathlessly, she pulled away. "Well don't keep me in suspense, Luka. What ever will you do with the _hot _. . . chocolate?"

He stared at her, raising his eyebrows.

She winked, and climbed into the car.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He opened up the refrigerator door in her kitchen. A jar of grape jam, ketchup, a few yogurts and some leftover pizza. Shook his head, sighing.

"Abby . . . we're gonna have to go to the store." Silence.

"Abby?"

She walked out of the bedroom wearing _at least _three layers. "Sorry. I was changing."

He was instantly irritated. "This is ridiculous. How long is it going to take them to fix the damn heat. I'm calling the Super again."

"Luka _please_ just let it be. Last time you called, I think he turned off my hot water heater just for spite." Mocking the scowl that had formed on his face, she went to him. Wrapped her arms around his waist, started swaying back and forth, taking him with her. "And . . . with you around . . . let's face it, I really have little use for cold showers."

He took a deep breath, relaxing as he felt her body move with his. "No . . . you _really_ don't." He growled.

He pulled back, lifted her chin. "Hey . . . I should go. I have a stack of paperwork that can _not_ wait anymore. But you could . . . I mean if you wanted to . . . we could stay at my place tonight?"

She thoughtfully considered the offer, then standing on her toes, gave him a quick kiss. "Probably not a good idea. You know how distracted you get when I'm around."

He grinned, rolling his eyes. "Well you would just have to behave for a few hours. Keep your hands to yourself. That's all."

"I'm actually pretty tired. I don't feel like I've really slept in weeks. How about for tonight . . . you work . . . I'll stay here and sleep?" Call you in the morning?"

Luka reluctantly nodded. He didn't like being away from her, even one night. But he didn't want to push. "Okay . . . but I'm gonna run to the store first. Bring back some groceries."

"Why?"

"Why?" He chuckled. "Abby, have you seen what's in your refrigerator?"

"I know. But I've got pop-tarts and stuff in the cupboard too." She grinned, trying to goad him.

He took the high road, completely ignored her. "So, I'll be back in about half an hour then."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He was loading packages of steaks into the cart, when his cell phone rang. It was her. "Hey, you. Miss me already?"

"Um . . . yeah, actually I did."

He paused, taken off-guard by her honest admission.

"Luka?"

"Yeah . . . yeah I'm here. You okay?"

"I was just thinking . . . you probably don't have any groceries at your place either, do you?"

He frowned, confused. "No . . . not really . . . Why?"

"Because I . . . I changed my mind. I don't want to stay here tonight. Will you pick me up?"

A smile slowly covered Luka's face. He wondered if she had any idea . . . any idea at all . . . how completely he'd fallen in love with her.


	12. A Friend in Need

A Friend in Need

He turned on his side. Then back on his stomach. It was no use. He'd been in this bed for over an hour. Wide awake. Meanwhile, Abby . . . was fast asleep. Luka reached over, covering her shoulder with the quilt. He was glad she was _finally_ getting some rest.

He had to admit . . . he had fun today. Oh he fussed a bit. That's just what guys did. But he loved seeing her like that. Happy . . . a _little_ neurotic . . . and . . . if _taking_ her in a dressing room was any indication . . . completely irresistible.

He was about to give up. Was getting out of bed, when he felt her fingers slowly crawling up his arm.

"Payback for this morning?" she asked, with a hint of amusement in her sleepy voice.

Chuckling, he snuggled in close to her. "_No_. Not that I wouldn't have _every _right . . ." as he buried his nose in her neck, "But no . . ."

"You're overtired" she offered, as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Yeah. Maybe I'm a little . . . what did you say you were? Wired?"

She nodded, quietly giggling.

"What?" he frowned, confused.

"Nothing. It's . . . it was just cute . . . the way you said it", still laughing.

"What? _Wired_?"

At that she completely lost it, tears forming in her eyes.

"What's funny about that?" getting slightly annoyed with her amusement. "You know what . . . never mind. I'll just go see what's on the television. Wouldn't want to keep _you_ awake with my hilarious pronunciations."

She grabbed him by the arm, gently pulling him back in bed. "Luka. . . wait. I'm sorry. You know . . . that an alien has completely taken over my brain. You forgive me?"

He sat on the side of the bed, his back to her . . . pouting. "It's fine", allowing himself time to milk the situation . . . just a little.

She softly ran her fingers down the back of his t-shirt. "You're pretty . . . tense. Why don't you lay down . . . I'll work on those tight muscles? Might help you . . . relax", rubbing his neck with her free hand.

He let out a deep breath, already melting into the magic of her touch. "Abby . . . you're tired, you don't have to do that."

She reached down, grasping the hem of his shirt, neatly lifting it over his head. Then, with a firm push, she had him laying flat on the bed. "Turn over."

He bit his bottom lip, grinning up at her. "Yes, ma'am."

As he turned onto his stomach, head resting on his forearm, she reached for something on the nightstand. Then slowly . . . straddled him. He felt her fingers on him . . . warm and moist.

"Mmm . . . what's that?"

Leaning in close. "Little warming oil." A sultry whisper.

She went to work on his shoulders and neck. Applying firm pressure. He sighed. This felt . . . incredible. Her fingers made their way between his shoulder blades . . . then up and down his spine . . . going lower with each stroke until they hit the small of his back . . . then all the way up again . . . With that, Luka let out a soft moan.

She leaned down, letting her body press tightly against his, whispered in his ear. "Too much pressure?"

He slowly turned on his back, taking her with him . . . now straddling his pelvis. "Mmm mmm . . . "

He watched as she drizzled more oil onto his chest . . . massaging up and down his torso. She leaned down, again pressing into him. Gently sucking on the side of his neck. He took the opportunity to remove her flimsy tank top, tossing it across the room.

Her lips broke away from his neck . . . slowly making their way down his chest . . . lower . . . lower . . . he took a deep breath . . . anticipation growing . . . and . . . and . . . the door . . .

Someone was banging on his fucking door . . . At midnight?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He stormed down the stairs, with purpose.

Another bang.

Then, flinging the door open. "I said . . . just a sec . . ." He stopped when he saw the anxious face standing before him. "Neela?"

"Hi. I'm really sorry. I know it's so late . . ."

"No. It's okay. Come in, come in. What's going on? Something wrong?"

"Um . . . Is Abby here?"

He quickly nodded, heading for the stairs. "I'll get her." They found Neela pacing by the door when they returned. Concern etched on her face, Abby went to her friend.

"Neela . . . what's wrong?"

Quickly shaking her head, Neela brushed off the question. "It's late. I didn't want to bother you. I just needed a place to stay tonight . . . I gave my key back to you when I moved in with Ray. I was hoping . . . you wouldn't mind?"

Abby swiftly made her way to the table, digging through her purse. "Of course I don't mind." Handing over the key. "You . . . and Michael . . . just want some time alone together?"

Neela let out a deep breath. Her shoulders slumped. She looked completely . . . defeated.

"He's leaving."

Luka thought the baffled expression on Abby's face must have matched his own. "What do you mean he's . . . leaving?" Abby questioned.

"I mean he's going back to Iraq!" She exploded. Then, with resignation, ''It's what he wants. Says he _needs_ to go back."

Luka and Abby looked at each other in disbelief. Neither knew what to say.

Neela attempted a weak smile. "I'm fine. Really. I just need some time . . . alone."

"Has he already . . . left?" Abby gently probed.

"When I left the apartment, he and Ray were watching some crappy movie. Bruce Willis, I believe", she sneered. "Seems he just can't get enough shoot 'em up action", bitterness and anger dripping off her tongue.

"Neela . . . "

"Abby, don't. I already know, okay?" Neela snapped, quickly cutting her off. "I'm being a real bitch. Right now, I don't care. I don't feel like being the bigger person. Not tonight."

Abby shrugged. Smiled sadly. She reached over, taking Neela's hand. "You don't have to be."

Luka watched intently. He felt for Neela. He did. But it wasn't a stretch to put himself in Gallant's shoes. Neela hiding out at Abby's wasn't going to solve anything. If something did happen . . . Luka knew she'd regret it. "What did you . . . tell them?" he softly threw out, interrupting the quiet moment.

Abby and Neela looked over at him, a questioning frown covering Neela's face. "Who?"

"Michael . . . and Ray. They must have wondered where you were going so late. Yeah?"

Neela stared at him as if he'd grown a second head. Abby quickly shook hers, back and forth. A warning he_ should _have heeded.

"Well . . . I was just thinking . . . Michael's probably getting worried . . by now."

"Well that's just too damn bad, isn't it. I'm not behaving like the proper wife, is that it? Think I'm supposed to be tying some damn ribbon around some bloody tree?" Neela drilled him, fuming. "He can return to war torn country, without so much as consulting me, but I have to clear _my_ every move with him? Unbelievable."

He was speechless. Abby was . . . amused. She walked over, steering him away from Neela. "Luka . . . why don't you put some tea on, okay?"

He leaned close to Abby's ear, mumbling as they walked. "Why is she yelling at me? What _ribbon_? What did I do?"

With that, Abby gently pushed him into the kitchen. "I'll explain later."

He soon returned with two steaming cups, avoiding eye contact as he placed Neela's in front of her. "I think I'll head upstairs." He swiftly kissed Abby's cheek, then nodded to Neela, still refusing to look her in the eye. "Night Neela."

He was halfway to the stairs, when Neela called after him. "Luka, wait."

He turned, still not fully looking at her. Waited for her to continue.

"Luka . . . I had no cause to lay into you like that. I'm sorry. It's just that . . . I'm furious with Michael . . . and I . . ."

He decided to let her off the hook. "It's okay, Neela. You_ scared _me a little . . . but it's okay."

At that, she and Abby both let out a laugh. He walked over, touching Neela's shoulder. "Right now, you're hurting. But . . . Is _this_ really how you want to leave things?"

Neela stared at her feet. Then looked to Abby, and back to Luka. Pulled out her cell phone. "Is there somewhere private . . ."

"My office. Top of the stairs, take a right" he offered, graciously.

He watched Neela go, then turned to find Abby looking at him. The same look she'd had earlier today, when he'd told the nosey store clerk, _this_ baby would be their first . . .

She sauntered over, snaking her arms around his neck. Pulling back, she looked into his eyes. "How do you . . . do it?"

He grinned, leaning down to kiss her. His lips had nearly reached hers, when they heard . . .

"Uh . . . guys . . . What's all . . . this?"

"All what?" In unison, before looking up to find Neela holding a tiny green sleeper and . . . the squeaky gray elephant.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She was still staring at them. Looking back and forth, expectantly. Had they still not spoken? Where had she even found . . . Shit. He'd forgotten. The shopping bags were in his office. Well, they had to say something, anything.

"Um . . . We . . . uh . . . went shopping." He stuttered. Felt Abby's nails dig into his arm.

"Yes. I gathered that much. Are you two . . . _expecting_?" she asked, a gleam in her eyes.

He looked to Abby. She wasn't giving in yet. "What makes you think that stuff is ours? _Maybe _those are just gifts . . . for someone."

"Considering . . . I can nearly see every tooth in Luka's mouth . . . that seems highly unlikely", she smirked, crossing her arms in front of her. "You going to tell me now, or should I wait for the birth announcement?"

When Abby turned to look at him, he quickly attempted to wipe the grin off his face. She rolled her eyes. "Impressive poker face you've got there."

Then, throwing her hands in the air, she turned back to Neela. "Alright! Yes . . . Luka and I . . . are . . . _expecting_."

"I knew it! That's so wonderful!" she excitedly chirped, pulling a giggling Abby into a tight embrace. "I'm so happy for you." Then, breaking away from Abby, she wrapped her arms around Luka. "For both of you!" She took a step back, looked at them, in awe.

Luka found Abby's hand, gently swinging it in his own. "Thank you, Neela. We're just . . . a _little_ excited about it ourselves." He beamed, eyes never leaving Abby's.


	13. Soul Mates in Chicago

Soul Mates in Chicago

His shift was finally over. She was meeting him at Ike's. It had been a long day . . . for both of them. He'd been counting the minutes until he could see her. Be alone with her.

He walked in, scanning the room. Didn't see her. Walking to the bar, he ordered a beer and asked for some menus. Found a table in the back. Luka glanced at his watch, took a swig of beer as he absentmindedly flipped through a menu. He tossed it aside. He'd wait for her.

The door to Ike's swung open, garnering his attention. Just a small group of nurses, none of whom he recognized. Abby . . . She should have been here by now. She'd mentioned something about an errand. But . . . the roads _were_ beginning to ice over . . . He pulled out his cell phone, dialing the number he knew so well. Shit. Right to voice mail.

"Hey . . . um . . . just wanted to make sure you're okay. I'm here . . . at Ike's. So . . . see you soon," feeling a bit apprehensive as he ended the call.

"Ready to order?"

Luka looked up to find a thin, excitable waiter, grinning from ear to ear. He had a shock of red hair, and was covered in freckles. "No. I'm . . ."

"Waiting for someone?" The young man offered, finishing Luka's sentence. "Aren't we all . . . Hope you're having better luck than I am!" The waiter quipped, laughing at his own banter.

Luka sighed, forcing a weak smile. He really wasn't in the mood for mindless chatter. "Why don't I just come get you when she gets here."

Quickly getting the hint, the waiter nodded as he made a hasty retreat. Something about the kid seemed familiar. Luka had the strangest sense of deja vu. Tried to place where he'd seen the face before. Then, it hit him. He rubbed his hand over the stubble on his cheeks. Had to be . . . over two years ago . . .

_He walked in the door, his eyes trained on her. She was playing a game of pool. Hair pulled back. Jeans and a tight grey sweater, both of which accentuated every curve. He knew she'd be here. Couldn't stop thinking about her . . . thinking about them. Not since that night by the river. Africa had helped. Helped numb his feelings. He could bury himself in the misery it held. It was a temporary fix. He was back now . . . and she was . . . free. He had made up his mind that afternoon. He wanted her. It was senseless pretending he didn't. _

_He watched from behind the wall. Watched her glide from side to side of that pool table. That smile, that laugh, those eyes . . . This was it. He was going to tell her. He was about to call out her name. The noise in the bar died down. That's when_ _he heard the words that changed . . . everything. _

_"I think . . . I'm ready to be on my own. For now, and the foreseeable future, at least. I just . . . I want to be . . . a doctor. That's enough for me. It's all I can . . . handle." _

_He heard the conviction in her voice. His heart exploded with pride, and also . . . ached. _

_"Does one have to preclude the other?" Elizabeth Corday asked the question. The answer to which, Luka knew would forever change the course of his life. _

_Abby's voice was quiet, but certain. "Right now . . . for me . . . yes." _

_He couldn't breath. Had to get out of there. He bolted for the door. Stepped out into the chilly October night. His head rested on the cool glass. Tried to think. He'd been so sure. All the obstacles were gone. No Carter. No Maggie. No guilt or anger overtaking either of them. Nothing. Nothing except . . . what was best . . . for her. _

_"You okay, dude? You don't look so hot." _

_Luka lifted his head to find a pudgy young man with freckles, wiry red hair and braces, staring at him. "I'm fine. Thank you," swallowing hard._

_The young man was unconvinced. "You sure don't seem fine. Looks like you just lost your best friend." _

_At that, Luka let out a rueful sigh. "Nope. I still have . . . my friend." _

"Dr. Kovac . . . Dr. Kovac?"

A bit startled, Luka glanced up to fine Lucien Dubenko standing before him, martini in hand. "Dr. Dubenko. . . Sorry . . . I was . . ."

"Somewhere else . . . altogether. I gathered that."

Luka didn't respond. Just nervously glanced at his watch.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Uh, actually I'm meeting . . . someone. She's just running late."

Dubenko nodded. "Of course. I didn't mean to intrude. Have a good evening," stuttering as he walked away.

Instantly, Luka felt like a heel. It wouldn't kill him to sit and talk to the man for a few minutes. "Lucien . . . wait."

The eccentric surgeon slowly made his way back to the table. "Did you need something?"

"No. Just . . . I'd like it if you'd join me."

Dubenko shrugged, pulling out a chair. "Sure."

The two men sat in relative silence. They'd quickly burned through discussion on the various hardships they shared as department heads. As he stared at his wrist, watching the minutes tick away, Luka quietly drummed his fingers against the table. Dubenko swirled the stem of an olive around his martini glass.

"She's running pretty late, is she? Dr. Lockhart, that is?"

Luka took a deep breath. "Yep . . . almost an hour."

"You're worried." Dubenko stated, matter-of-factly.

"Maybe a little," he lied.

"I'm sure she's fine," Dubenko assured him. "Have you tried calling her?"

"Yeah. She didn't pick up. It's just . . . this isn't like her."

Dubenko nodded, then hesitantly, "How long have you two been . . . together?"

Luka let out a soft chuckle. Loaded question. "Years . . . "

Dubenko stared at him, somewhat baffled. "I didn't realize . . ." Then, shaking his head, sucking in a deep breath, "In that case . . . I feel an explanation of my actions . . . is in order."

Luka had no clue what this was all about, but Dubenko had peaked his interest. He decided to play along. "Okay . . . go on."

"Well it's . . . I want you to know . . . I didn't realize Dr. Loc . . . _Abby . . . _was . . . spoken for. I _never_ would have made such an . . . inappropriate advance . . . had I known. That being said, I'm glad we're finally talking about it. I've felt . . . Well let's just say it. Lately, there's been an elephant in the room."

Luka shook his head. Tried to grasp what Dubenko was getting at. "An elephant?"

"Yes. The proverbial elephant."

"Dubenko . . . what the hellare we talking about here?" Frowning as he rubbed his temples.

"What we're _talking about . . . _is that it's been awkward between us ever since I . . . asked Dr. Lockhart to . . . go to bed with me."

Luka's mouth gaped. "You asked . . . When?"

"I don't know. A few months baaa . . ." He stopped short, confused. "You didn't . . . know?"

Luka slowly shook his head. _Concubine. _What hadAbby told him? That Dubenko had tried to turn her into a . . . concubine.

"Oh . . . Well . . . wait. So . . . there was never any elephant?" Dubenko stammered.

Luka bit his lip. Tried to keep a straight face. "Nope. No elephant."

Dubenka covered his face with both hands, letting out a humiliated groan. Flinching, he reluctantly looked Luka in the eye. "It was . . . I had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer . . . I wanted one last . . . hurrah . . . so to speak . . . and I thought of Dr. Lockhart because . . . well you _know_ why I thought of Dr. Lockhart . . . What am I saying . . . Of course you know . . ."

Finally, Luka took pity on the nervous surgeon, holding up a hand for him to stop. Then, smiling compassionately, "She's . . . an amazing person, isn't she?" He beamed.

"Yes . . . quite." A hint of sadness in his voice. "Well . . . at any rate . . . I am sorry. I never would have suggested such a thing had I known she was . . . with you."

Luka let out a guilty chuckle. "Uh, about that . . . When I said Abby and I had been together for years? I meant more . . . in _soul _ratherthan . . . _body_."

"Your . . . _souls_ have been together for years? You mean . . . you let me ramble on like that for . . . and you weren't even . . . I don't believe this."

Luka shrugged. "Sorry." He checked his watch one more time before pulling on his coat. "I'm taking off. I can't just sit here. Think I'll drive around . . . look for her car."

"You won't have to look far," Dubenko pointed to the entrance, grinning.

There she was. Body and soul. And just like that, he could breath again.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She spotted him. Was making her way to him. An instant later, her feet were off the ground, swept up in his arms. "Luka! What's wrong?"

"You're okay?" He murmured, face buried in her neck. Gently swaying back and forth as he held her.

"Of course, I'm okay. What's going on?"

"Where have you been? Why are you so late? I was worried something happened to you!" He let her down, but not out of his grasp.

"Luka . . . are you kidding me with this? I'm only ten minutes late!"

"What are you talking about? You were supposed to be here at six."

"Nooo . . . We said we were meeting at seven."

"No. You told me six," shaking his head, vehemently.

"Luka, I most certainly did not," she argued. Fire, dancing in her eyes.

There was no doubt in his mind that _he_ was right. _She_ . . . was just as sure of herself. He picked up one of her hands, wrapping both of his around it. His eyes locked with hers. "Doesn't matter. You're here."

She leaned into him, closing her eyes, as he rubbed her back. "I'm sorry I worried you."

"That you did, Dr. Lockhart. That you did."

Abby quickly turned when she heard the voice. "Lucien! I didn't even notice you there."

Lucien Dubenko slowly stood, chuckling softly. Buttoned his coat, and pulled his scarf around him. "Yeah . . . I know . . . and that's okay."

Then, walking toward them, he extended a hand to Luka.

Abby watched intently as Luka took the other man's hand, shaking it firmly. "No more elephants, yeah?"

Dubenko ducked his head, smiling sheepishly. "No more elephants," then winked as he headed out the door.

"Elephants?" Abby asked, amused.

"Guy talk."

"Uh huh . . . "

He wrapped one arm around her, steering her toward their table. "Let's get you some dinner."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He slowly stroked her arm, making circles with his fingers on the bare flesh. Up and down. Round and round. He heard her sigh. Her breathing shallowed. His eyes were just beginning to flutter, when he felt the first teardrop fall. Then another . . . and another.

He pulled her close, lips brushing against her brow. "Tell me."

At that, she softly sobbed, burying her head into his neck. He stroked her hair, feeling the warm liquid trickle down his skin. He waited. The sobs subsided . . . the sniffling stopped . . . his skin dried. Then . . . her voice barely a raspy whisper, "Nate's dead."

He lifted her chin. "How do you know?"

She shrugged, one lone tear sliding down her cheek. "He never took the bet."

Luka wasn't sure what any of it meant. In that moment, there was only one thing he knew for certain. He'd always be there to catch her tears.


	14. Home Is Where the Heart Is

Home is Where the Heart Is

Luka came home to find her curled up, fast asleep on the couch. Home . . . They'd been staying at his place more and more lately. Something he longed to make official . . . as did she. It was a dance they were perfecting. He, dropping the occasional, not so subtle hint. She, feigning ignorance. He'd learned a thing or two since their last tango. At times, it was maddening, but he was letting her lead this one. Abby Lockhart was a lot of work . . . but more than worth it.

He covered her with a quilt, softly caressing her cheek, before making his way upstairs to jump in the shower. His forehead rested on the cool tile, as the hot water rolled over his back. He could feel the tension begin to ease from his tight muscles. He wasn't surprised when he suddenly felt a draft, and then, her arms encircling him.

"You tired of showering with me?" Teasing as she nuzzled closer, burying her cheek into the back of his shoulder.

He closed his eyes, softly moaned as she pressed her body into him. "Mmmm mmm . . . just keeping the water hot until you got here," he mumbled, seductively.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed that way. Reveling in the silence . . . in each other. Slowly, she began to sway them back and forth.

"So . . . I called my mom tonight."

He turned to face her, surprised by her sudden change of heart. "And?"

"And . . . she cried. Then I told her it was . . . you know . . . with you . . . she cried even _more_."

Luka took her hand, grinning sheepishly. "That mean we have her blessing?"

"You could say that . . . yeah," she laughed.

His eyes left hers . . . traveling down her body, past her swollen breasts, until they rested on her newly rounded belly. He fought the urge to reach out. Let his hand rest there. A line in the sand he was afraid to cross. Quickly, he averted his gaze.

Abby gently reached for his face. Brushed a finger over his lips. "Luka . . . remember . . . sixteen weeks . . . _It's_ _real_."

Leaning in, he pressed his forehead to hers. She knew. He didn't have to turn himself inside out at some damn therapist's office. She just . . . got it. Got him.

Luka slowly slid down her body until he was on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around her waist - face pressed into her belly. The water poured over them. She ran her fingers through his hair, as, for the first time, he spoke to their child. It was an act of intimacy he hadn't known they were capable of.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He cooked. She watched him cook. He washed the dishes. She dried. It was their routine.

"Hey Abby . . . I um . . . I wanted to tell you before your shift tomorrow . . . " He broached, tentatively, as he rinsed one final glass, handing it to her.

"Hmm?" Absentmindedly finishing with the glass, then drying off the counter.

"I . . . Well you know how you asked if there was anyone we needed to tell . . . about the baby?"

"Yeah?"

He saw the start of a slight frown begin to form on her brow.

"I . . . um . . . I told Sam."

She stopped for a moment, nodded, tried to smile, but he saw it . . . a slight change in her demeanor.

"Well that's . . . good. It's . . . good that she knows." She swallowed hard, avoiding his eyes.

"Abby . . . I just felt like I should. I didn't want her to find out like . . ." He stopped, took her hand. Pulled her over to the couch. "I saw your face . . . that day when John and Kem . . . with the sonogram picture. I didn't want that for Sam."

Finally, she looked up, found his eyes. "I know . . . I'm glad she knows. It's just . . ."

"Just what?"

"It's not like it's . . ._ logical_, Luka."

He shrugged. "Tell me."

Blushing, she looked away, biting her bottom lip. "I guess . . . I'm feeling . . . maybe just a _little_ bit . . . possessive," she rambled. The last word nearly inaudible.

He made no effort to suppress his delight at her admission. She was adorable. "_A little bit . . . what_?"

"Oh stop grinning like the Cheshire cat," slapping his arm. "You're not supposed to be enjoying this," leaning back into his arms, as they stretched out on the couch. "What did she say when you told her?"

"You mean before or after she calculated the dates?" He sighed, grimacing at the mere thought of it.

"That bad, huh?"

"No . . . Just . . . awkward."

She nodded, stroking his chest. "She gave you up. You're happy. Nothing makes a woman doubt herself quite like that."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Those words stayed with him long after she drifted off. Happiness . . . Just out of reach for far too long. A year ago, he'd shared an apartment with Sam and Alex. Never, a home. That's what Sam had tried so hard to make him see. He just didn't get it. Not until now. _Home_ . . . wasn't a building. Home . . . was Abby.


End file.
